Building Upon the Real for the Greater Good

In my previous article, The Aftermath of the Alien Love Bite, Soul Types and Predators”(See: http://evelorgen.com/wp/articles/alien-love-bite-related/the-aftermath-of-the-alien-love-bite-soul-types-and-predators/) I proposed to write an article that could answer some tough questions by my clients, especially the ones who were born into “specific bloodlines” of ruling occult groups who target them for many reasons. The questions that have been repeatedly brought up by some Dark Side of Cupid, “love bite” experiencers are, “Why do I repeatedly keep being targeted by vampiric and especially “reptilian hosted” agents who seem to be run by these inter dimensional beings?” And of course the biggest question by these people is, “what can I do to keep these parasites away from me?” How can I build my life and authentic love relationships with a human being who is benevolently compatible and not like “the other predators?”

I contemplated this from a more spiritual perspective based upon a profound experience I had many years ago at the age of 22. This experience catalyzed a deep realization of remembrance, a core essence of being, whose depth of “realness” was so immense, total, absolute and freeing, that the core significance of it vindicated a deep realness within an eternal place of being. A deeper, greater reality. It was recognition of truth of beingness free of the earthly and even “astral” state of being. This deep knowing is present always, when in this state of presence. But when I returned back into my body state of consciousness, the shock of this realization was so intense it nearly gave me a heart attack. In fact, I believed at the time, if I did not return to my “body” from this realized state of beingness, my heart would explode and I would die of some kind of heart attack.

Well, I did not die physically, but the experience of spiritual remembrance left me shaken, wordless and deeply imprinted in such a way that a truth was revealed in me, for recognitions sake, beyond all religion or teachings that I had known at that time. It was not until many years later in my exploration of Gnostic, Tibetan Buddhist studies and Advaita-Vedanta mystical teachings that I came to understand this experience. But the ironic thing about this realization was that my original intention and prayers for three days and nights was to “know and understand the truth of Jesus Christ, the one in the Bible.” Well, I can assure you this was no “vision” of Jesus but more of a direct recognition of beingness that was so utterly real in its depth, that there was no question in my mind about what truth is inside our being. “Seek the Kingdom of Heaven first within you and all will be added unto you.” Each and every one of us who has an eternal spirit of awareness has this within them. But most of us do not fully remember this state of being.

 

What People Really Want—Freedom and Happiness

So much of what my counseling clients seek is of course, happiness, but more specifically, freedom from inter dimensional interference, and all that goes with this. The “archontic” Matrix control systems run by seemingly predatory beings, both human and non human— appears to be the problem on “the outside” that ruins so many lives. Ultimately I believe, building upon and recognizing the real—our internal truth of being—is the key to freedom, empowerment, love and all good things. But for most people, and even “yogis and mystics”, this must be done gradually, in such a way that we increase and expand our awareness of “reality”. This awareness becomes more and more real, until we can sustain a measure of lucidity in mindfulness.

True happiness comes from within. It actually arises out of getting in touch with our core essence of being. Contact with true reality. It is not a short term investment strategy, nor does it have to take a long time. But it does require that you desire it, are willing to be still, have faith, be patient, humble and courageous.

 
Getting Lucid with Mindfulness and Self-Observation

This must be a step by step process, where we are intentionally committed expand our own awareness, out of which comes change. Mindfulness is not really about “trying to change” but rather intending on allowing ones awareness to be aware of truth versus lies; stalking the illusions. As we go into a place of self-observation and mindfulness, we will start to perceive what distractions and “obstacles in our path” have prevented us from being still, from being happy, from feeling love. From feeling truly alive and knowing ourselves in our core essence. It is not a “conceptual self analysis” or self-absorbed narcissism either. It requires us to take notice of whatever feelings are present in the moment, without identifying with them so much that we lose our lucidity.

What is lucidity, you may ask? For me, it is awareness of being aware. Like what happens when you are in a dream, and know you are dreaming. In that moment of recognition, the reality of the dream deepens immensely, everything vivifies, and with it can come a natural state of wonder and joy of whatever arises in the moment. It unleashes the wonder of each unfolding moment as a mystery that is beyond our illusion of controlling the dream. Many people assume that lucidity in dreams is being able to control the dream or the vividness of it. But this is in error. It is the absolute knowing that you are dreaming and therefore have a greater ability to create and connect on expanded levels of being, not only as the dreamer, but as the background of the dreams and characters. It is a wonderful oneiric laboratory to explore self-healing, and discovering parts of ourselves we may not be fully aware of. We can apply lucidity in our meditation, in our daily lives. We can take advantage of this process when we have negative feelings and positive feelings. With lucid awareness our understanding of the feelings observed in that moment will be revealed in such a way, that we are able change out of an authentic awakening, with much less effort.

When we “wake up” we no longer will hold on to the things which we realize are illusions, distractions, addictions, bad relationships, avoidance or self-pity. The waking up process is not so easy however. When it does happen, it can be painful, and we may hit a threshold of obstacles, pain, and intense suffering of any number of feelings before we have that “aha!” moment. It tends to happen in stages when we can process the insights revealed over time and with maturity. In my view, the spiritual path to awakening is a healing journey where deep psychological changes take place.

 

Psychological Healing and Trauma Resolution Therapy Helps Wake Us Up

Waking up to a greater spiritual reality inevitably requires substantial psychological self reflection and healing of our deepest core wounds. This is essentially a psychotherapeutic process to root out the original causes of our suffering. It is really a rooting out process of identifying that which is false, and cutting through the psychological defenses which keep us from connecting deeper into our own core selves. Oftentimes it is easier to discover what the truth is by knowing in our heart, what we are not. And I can assure you, most beliefs in the “matrix world system” are geared to prop up false beliefs about who and what you are, in order to control you. The unenlightened love to lord over and control you, they are lovers of power, usually with big egos. Have you ever noticed how the power hungrier someone is, the more of a psychopath they turn out to be? And do you really think they have your best interests at heart?

Now here is a paradox. The truth is, things do not need to be fixed, they need to be understood. If we can truly understand without judgement and over identification and excessive emotional triggering, things will change naturally. Oh, but what does this really mean when we break things down into practical day to day living and being?

Therapy and counseling in some practices are more about alleviating symptoms or reinforcing the “matrix world view”, where pharmaceuticals are prescribed or “things to make you feel better” are advised. And on the spiritual front line of “enlightenment solutions” we can run into the fake gurus who are really spiritual predator-vampires. Gatekeepers and soul entrappers who end up identifying and feeding off of the real “gifted ones”. Then they target you to exploit or clamp down your real, supernatural abilities. I do find it almost ironic, that many who have woken up, have found out by going to hell and back. Or having been trapped by evil sorcerers, or being in an abusive relationship with a narcissist only to discover what they don’t want and who they are not. This is a huge key. You want to know why?

Because when things get bad enough you are forced to feel negative emotions. You may be forced to drop your ego and surrender enough to experience a deeper presence of being within. You may hit rock bottom like the alcoholic or drug addict who finally realizes their way of life is killing them. They finally wake up to the shocking insanity and intense pain they are feeling. It is necessary to get in touch with the negative feelings you are having, be aware of what they are. Take note of the positive ones too. What causes these feelings, really? Where do they start in your body? Can you be in your body or are you habitually dissociating? You need to be still long enough to know when your automatic, triggered avoidance patterns start kicking into gear, in ways that actually pull you out of REALITY and connection with your heart and your core self. You know that is what addictions are all about don’t you? Avoidance of uncomfortable feelings, hidden traumas and vulnerable emotional wounds.

Do you know what is funny? Addicts and alcoholics feel like life would be boring and dull without the drugs, alcohol etc. Many have not really got into contact with their core selves because they are avoiding bad feelings, perhaps repressed traumas. Trauma and addictions go together like peas and carrots. If you work on one, let’s say the drinking part, the other issue will rise to the surface. If you deal with the trauma first, and truly resolve the trauma over time, (or even rapidly with modalities such as Rapid Release Trauma Therapy, hypnotherapies etc.) your addictions may just stop by themselves. Or in the least with less effort. This is where the understanding part comes in. With understanding, things will change naturally. You don’t have to “fix feelings”, you just have to self-connect long enough to understand, let go of the illusions and the problems disappear. It is really more about letting go.

And you know what will drive psychopaths and abusers away from you? You want to get rid of them? Start a meditation practice, be still, silent and ever aware. They will think you are so BORING they will leave you alone and have to find someone else for their narcissistic supply of energy!

 

The Walls We Hit Before Waking Up

Faith is the number one necessity before any positive change can occur. This is a pre-requisite for Buddhist teachings on enlightenment and for genuine happiness as well. It is not just a Christian virtue, but is supreme in just about every religion. If you prefer, we can say that it is helpful that you see that it is desirable to wake up in order to relieve your suffering. It must be desirable to give up illusions and dependencies on what is NOT REAL so you can make contact with that deeper REALITY. That awakening to the deeper reality of your true beingness is so powerful that entire systems of control have been created to keep you addicted to the fake, so as to distract you without you even knowing you are a puppet. So do you really want freedom and awakening?

And what tends to happen before we can drop illusions, over identifications, and ego masks to go deeper inside the mystery of the heart and spirit? Those psychological defenses pop up, mind control programs, avoidance patterns, addictions, distractions and real demons could start manifesting. Oftentimes when our distraction patterns drop, we touch in with our aloneness during periods of silence. We can feel quite alone even when we are with someone, if any emotional wounds have not been dealt with. There is this thing called loneliness which can be so unbearable, despairing and empty that we avoid it at all costs, thinking loneliness can only be cured by having company, or doing the things which numb those bad feelings when you start to feel lonely or depressed. Loneliness can happen when we are with someone or alone. It can happen when we start to be still in solitude, even in meditation, as we get in touch with silence. Sometimes the loneliness is like a wall of the most despairing pain of hopelessness, non love, and shameful unworthiness. A rejection so deep, an abandonment so great that you split it off into another compartment of your being. It could be the overlay covering up rage, intense sadness or even terror. But remember this is a wall, they are feelings, which are not really you, but feelings of experience you have had or still live in you based on something much earlier in life that was never healed or made conscious.

 

Our Addictions and Avoidance Patterns Distort Our Perception of Reality

The difficult part of the self-discovery process is how many of our behaviors are running on a kind of automatic mode, something we cannot seem to consciously control from a logical perspective. When we are still running on these automatic defenses and “conditioned programs”, our perceptions of others and of reality is skewed. We tend to see people through the lens of our own addictive needs—the needs we cling to so that we don’t have to feel uncomfortable feelings, our old wounds still festering inside. If we seem to be stuck in blaming others, or trying to fix the world, we have not fully woken up. If we keep trying to control others in co-dependent relationships, we have not done our self-healing work. If we still are dependent on approval, appreciation and the constant distraction of company of others (in a compulsive way), we are still asleep. If we keep finding ourself looking for love from someone out there, we have not dealt with our stuff. If we habitually manipulate others into providing for our own “psychic energy”, attention and approval, we are actually emotional energy vampires in disguise.

Now I know this sounds harsh and like a cliche about seeking it all within. It is not ALL within but so much of it is, that if we don’t take personal responsibility and a willing humbleness to deal with our SH**, then nothing will change. Love happens through openness and awareness. It can only happen by dropping the illusions which have kept us in this merry go round of distractions, numbness and disconnection from reality.

 

What We Need is Slowing Down

There are some things that we do need, however. Safety is very important, either in or out of a relationship. Many of my anomalous trauma clients lack the safety and sustained stillness to stay with the mindful, healing and recovery process long enough to truly wake up. They may have so much drama and “interference” that any kind of committed therapy process is unlikely. And when this happens I can guarantee you it is part of the “program” to keep the person believing that it is impossible, unnecessary, too expensive, everyone else’s fault and the entire gamut of I’m right, ego rigidity and “yes but…”.excuses. Many of the excuses are part of what I call the learned helplessness, “whining victim” program that effectively self sabotages true change. And if I would tell this to someone who is in the midst of a whopping, whining victim (or predator) program, it would infuriate them. The truth is, they really believe they are powerless because they are trapped in illusions.

What we do need is willingness for more awareness, stillness, enjoying the simple pleasures of life, like decent food, water, light, exercise, a good book, perhaps an entertaining movie now and then. But what we don’t need is to be so busy that we cannot enjoy simple pleasures and instead adopt artificial stimulants, or are too busy and sleep deprived to even enjoy simple pleasures. We want to engage the true senses and slow down. When we do slow down, our senses actually come more alive, making it easier to enjoy simple pleasures. The need for addictions, drama or over stimulation falls away. It only requires a decision to be still with awareness for a short period daily or on a regular enough basis in small steps and goals. You can perceive miracles and hidden, secret things from slowing down. Your perceptions expand, and when you start noticing all kinds of things, understanding of what arises starts to awaken in you. This enables you to change, the awareness that comes with simply slowing down.

 

Mindfulness Meditation is Good

In my own experience, I had explored just about every “therapy” there is, from cognitive-behavioral talk therapy, hypnotherapy, rebirthing, interpersonal communication skills, marriage and family therapy, lucid dreaming, journaling, art therapy, dance, creative writing, martial arts, Chi Gong, authentic movement and yoga. You name it, I did it. Some significant radical shifts in expanded awareness occurred after doing a couple of 10 day shamatha meditation retreats. Shamatha meditation is a very simple form of mindful sitting meditation where one follows the breath, a single object of meditation or awareness of whatever arises in the mind. (http://www.deerparkthimphu.org/activities/shamatha.html) I personally would recommend doing this with a very good teacher in person, someone like Dr. Alan B. Wallace. (http://www.sbinstitute.com/Shamatha_Project)

Sometimes it takes getting out of your ordinary habits in a different environment, where silence and stillness with awareness is the only activity. For me, meditation is what woke me up to feeling and finally perceiving in vivid, expanded awareness, the insanity I had been living, and it was shocking and painful enough for me to change. For other individuals however, it may be something else that wakes them up in such a way as to be the catalyst for effective change. I’ve seen some “meditation junkies” become kind of addicted to the cult aspect of Buddhist community, instead of doing more deep, psychotherapeutic work. Some people actually fall into dissociation, rather than embodied awareness in stillness, that true meditation requires. This is why it is good to have an experienced teacher, who has demonstrated their own internal self-healing and mindfulness work. You will recognize them by their openness, compassion, and wisdom in how they live their lives and how well their own students learn and exemplify wisdom in their lives.

The evidence is when change starts to take place in you, in your awareness. It happens, you don’t do it. If you try to “do it” it doesn’t last. Change is natural through awareness of truth, reality and embodied self-connectedness. Then you keep your openness, flexibility, softness and compassion through awareness. It is not a rigid “trying to control”, change. Or being compelled to lecture or prove yourself right. The evidence is in the softness, ease, effortless effort, compassion, awareness, wisdom and openness. It is a tasting and feeling, an experiential, expanded perception beyond information in your head or over analyzing on a conceptual level. And with this comes strength and courageousness. Joy will start to emerge, a spontaneousness to perceive humor in life as well.

 

Doing the Healing Work

Nothing is more painful and humbling than someone telling you that, “you need therapy”, or ask you sarcastically, “are you off your meds?”. Or when a concerned family member, friend or fellow work mate suggests you get into a recovery program for an ongoing addiction you have normalized in your life, which is starting to create problems that you, apparently, are unaware of. More often than not, when we do decide to get “professional help” for something, it resulted from an uncomfortable situation in our life like a broken relationship, lost job or God forbid, a Driving Under the Influence (DUI) or police arrest. One good thing about suffering is that it can be the agent of positive change and expanded awareness. Some experiences, such as a narcissistic abuse, alien love bite relationships can be so intense and psycho-spiritually shattering that it can serve as a “spiritual initiation” of permanent consciousness change. A real wake up call.

The sad part about “not having done our healing and personal growth work”, or for short, “not dealing with your sh**” (NDWYSH), means that some part of you has disconnected from your spiritual core essence, most likely your emotional center. Part of your heart actually shuts down, and with this shutting down comes a block in your awareness, a blind spot. We do this to ourselves as a reaction to stress, trauma or deep emotional wounds. Sometimes our conditioned beliefs and ways we were raised in our family system required us to be cut off from our own authentic being, or we would not be accepted, loved. In severe cases, if we did not do or be what we were told, we were beaten up, abused or thrown out on the streets. Abandoned.

It is rather ironic that in order to psychologically survive such kinds of abuse and traumas, we abandon our own selves, to protect us from the shock of the reality that perhaps we lived in a very unsafe world, where we really were unloved or had psychopath caretakers. And for many of us, the shock of reality, the extreme vulnerability and powerlessness of childhood, and our feelings about the craziness we have had to endure, was too much for a young child.(It can be too much for an adult!) That inner child—whose real needs, identity, whose heart and soul had to be abandoned or be put in cold storage somewhere, until some day, it would be safe enough to be who we are and feel what we feel.

 
Co-Dependency is a Spiritual Issue

In Melanie Tonia Evans article, “On Co-Dependency and Narcisicism, (See: http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/2014-co-dependency-check-up/) she addresses the culprit of the spiritual disease of Co-Dependency and Narcissism:

“Societal beliefs, unconsciousness, and the horrific programming of ‘Needing to get worthiness, value, approval, and love outside of ourselves’ is all responsible for the dis-ease (yes it is a human disease) of co-dependency.

The reason being is: we are all a product of a world that looks “outwards” for comfort and fulfillment. We were NOT taught to come inside and self-partner in times of stress.
Rather we were told to “Shut up and get on with it”, or that our feelings and emotions were “inconvenient” and “irrelevant” and therefore had to be ignored, repressed, shoved aside or switched off.
As a result we all became more and more disconnected from our emotional centres and we tried to acquire stuff or people’s love and approval to stop the pain, and when that failed we took up addictions (self-avoidance mechanisms) to try to numb ourselves out from the pain.

Co-dependency is a spiritual disease. It is NOT a psychological issue, the psychological component is the symptom. It is an emotional issue, a soul issue.  The remedy does not lie in logical thinking. It requires a deep connection back to yourself and your true connection with Source / Life / God.

Until we know we are at One with Source (and at the Quantum Level that is the absolute scientific truth) we cannot ever be at One with ourselves, others or this planet.
This is when we suffer the results of “disconnection” and are not generating the Source truth of “wellbeing”. Rather we are granted by Source/Life/God the results of our free will choice of living in the illusions of “separation”.

And that separation hurts so much it makes us want to be addicted to whatever alleviates these awful feelings of disconnection from our true REAL SELVES/SPIRIT/SOURCE.

By reacting in unconscious triggering, and whatever addictions we choose to effectively numb our pain, this decision constitutes an agreement to disconnect from our heart and soul, leaving us open for other substitutes to run our “vehicle”. This disconnect also takes away from our life force energy and our awareness in consciousness, because energy and awareness are linked. The more your energy is lost, the less aware you become.

We may have grown up this way, living in dysfunctional families, where all these kinds of crazy behaviors were normalized, including verbal abuse, emotional neglect, boundary invasions, poor communication skills and addictions. And when we grew older, and entered into relationships, jobs and started raising our own families, we started having huge problems. Sometimes it is the problems that wake us up to the discovery of how blind, numb, abusive or victimized we really were. And when we don’t heal these original wounds, we set ourselves up to be hurt even more, sometimes as victims or on the other end of it as perpetrators of abuse.

The difficult thing about effective, lasting change is that it must be dealt with on deeper levels of our being, not just logical analysis or simple awareness of your patterns. It must happen in such a way that you connect to the younger feeling parts of yourself that initially experienced the trauma, the vulnerable part who held false beliefs about themselves or the world, that needs to be let go of. The self abandonment that occurs with early traumas are often linked in with Boundary issues. According to Melanie Tonia Evans,

“True empowered boundaries mean: ‘I love myself and I know my truth. I know who I am, and I will not compromise myself anymore. You have a choice to be in my reality of meeting this higher vibration. If you don’t – that’s okay – I’m not in anymore regardless of the consequences. Because in no way is the correct and healthy development of my life dependent on you making any particular choice, or even understanding what I need. You are NOT my source of self – I AM!’

Now of course we don’t reach this level of conduct until we have done the work on ourselves to get there, and naturally the work is about finding and up-levelling the young unhealed parts of our Inner Being that are still hooked on “You HAVE to be the source of me because I can’t be that to myself”.

It is true, as children we couldn’t be a source to ourselves, we were entirely co-dependent. We were powerless and vulnerable, and if we haven’t healed and up-levelled these young parts – which means self-developing and growing them lovingly and supportively up – they still affect us, regardless of knowing better logically. I promise you the painful aspects of our life are not being created logically, and they can’t be solved logically.

It’s been stated in therapy circles, “There is no healing without feeling”. And I believe this is true. Sometimes all we need is the safety, empathy and permission to feel whatever is happening inside us with gentle nudging towards real release and deep insight. It is amazing what people do when they hit their “wall” of the pain.(Or PTSD overload) Oftentimes they may spin into story telling, over and over, in a cyclic, anger—addicted way, without true resolution of the underlying feeling. Feelings are in layers, and what most people do not understand is that emotions like rage and anger are actually secondary. They cover up deeper feelings that are more vulnerable. The goal is to be able to reach that wall with awareness of what we habitually have been doing to jerk away from the “feeling”, the real memories etc., so we can address that protective part and the beliefs it may hold— which “takes control” to avoid the issue. For some people, they need more aggressive confrontation and redirection to be present with THAT FEELING and memory. Others need more gentle reassurance, nudging and guidance to take that feeling to its origin in the present now. Sometime it must be taken slowly, so that the feelings and embodied awareness of processing this energy can be done with more self control, safely without triggered PTSD syndrome.

Being able to feel, be vulnerable, feel safe, and let go of what is pent up inside creating so many problems, is not always an easy, logical process. It can take time, or it can be relatively fast, once the defenses are set aside to release and get to the truth. Working directly with the subconscious mind, identifying those beliefs and fears is the eventual goal for more rapid resolution. We must get in touch with those abandoned parts, love them, forgive them, self parent them, and allow these parts to grow up. This is how you stop seeking and expecting others to always fill those voids, to be happy. Then we are less likely to attract predators. The predators will be attracted to you if you still are not taking personal responsibility for your healing and still have self abandonment and “blind spots”. If we keep seeking others to “take away our pain”, keep us from feeling lonely, depressed or looking for that magic healer to “clear all my implants, attached entities”, etc. we will fall into the same traps. It is not that a therapist or healer cannot help you, but it should be, rather, that they help guide you to help yourself and bring into your awareness the self-discovery to heal yourself. You have to be ready to feel, and see what you are really believing about yourself, life and others. The denial must be dropped for clear perception. And clarity comes as you drop those addictions, illusions, excessive fears and desires.

If you haven’t gotten it yet that healing is all about deeper self-connection, self responsibility, expanded awareness, and being willing to be vulnerable in your heart, you will fall back into the co-dependent “conditioning program”. Or keep on being addicted to numbing, blaming others, acting out, etc. Or you may fall into the perpetrator rather than victim role, or vacillate between the two.

How can we become more aware of what we are really doing, not doing, believing, or feeling in ways that indicate there is still some healing to do? Are you worried or compelled to try to “protect people from their feelings”? Do you do this unconsciously? What fears are driving you—what beliefs? Practice awareness, mindfulness. Here is a good “Co-Dependency Checklist” that Melanie Tonia Evans created for those in recovery programs:

 
▪ Do you spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think about you?
▪ Do you try to impress other people and make them happy so that you can be happy?
▪ Do you often analyse other people’s lives?
▪ Do you get distressed by bad things that happen which are out of your control?
▪ Do you say and do what you think other people want you to say and do?
▪ Do you try to control other people’s behaviour so that you can feel okay?
▪ When an interaction with someone goes ‘wrong’ do you spend time analysing their actions, what they said and what they might be feeling and thinking?
▪ Do you find it difficult to speak up and confront an issue when you feel uncomfortable?
▪ Do you blame other people for the way you feel?
▪ Do other people’s moods bring your own mood down?
▪ Do you immediately think of someone else who needs this information more than you?
▪ Do you seek and listen to other people’s opinions rather than seeking and listening to your own?
▪ Do you obsess over saying the wrong thing or hurting someone else’s feelings?
▪ Do you hang on to people and situations even when it hurts, hoping they will change into something better?
▪ Do you often feel selfish, guilty or ‘what a waste of time’ when you do something nice for yourself?
▪ Do you often say ‘Yes’ when you really want to say ‘No’?
▪ Do you struggle to listen to your own feelings and go along with other people’s feelings?
▪ Do you give a lot of yourself to other people, even if they don’t ask, and then get upset when they don’t do the same in return?
▪ Do you try to fix or change other people to be who you want them to be?
▪ Do you try and help or fix others who don’t take responsibility for themselves?
▪ Do you tend to put everyone else’s needs before your own?
▪ Do you avoid taking charge of your own life, and / or creating your own happiness in the hope that someone will provide it for you?

For most of us, we didn’t learn how to communicate with reflective empathy, we just did what was modeled to us in our families. And if we never even bothered to do any personal growth work, mindfulness, healing and honest self-reflection, we are likely to be projecting our “stuff” on others unconsciously. We must really know our own histories, childhoods, relating patterns and what our own families have modeled to us. Are we aware of ethics and spiritual laws that may open us up to dark forces and predators? What agreements of entrapment are we actually holding onto without realizing its ramifications? I’m often astounded at how unaware many “normal seeming” people are, who have found themselves victim to psychopaths, supernatural predators and narcissists.

What prevents some people from true mutuality in friendships of respect? Could it be their refusal to be vulnerable to their own hearts and feelings? Are they rigidly holding onto denial and illusions, making you wrong so they don’t have to grow up? Are they trying to control you with their version of what they think “reality” is, while marginalizing your worth and freedom? Do they play fair in relationships so that compassionate communication can even happen? Do they have value systems that marginalize compassionate communication and reflective empathy? Is their own blind spots and psychological defenses causing cold, insensitive behaviors that hurt you? We need to also ask ourselves if we do these kinds of things to others as well.

Perhaps we must ask how much we value our own souls, and choosing what we want to be connected with. Do we really want to experience the truth of REALITY?

 
That Mystery Called Love

I found myself having ahas! when listening to the mystic, Thomas De Mello. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pNb_tYuHfY&index=69&list=PL9285D44ED7F7B18B)

The ever present desire and need for LOVE is a consistent topic of discussion everywhere. So many people want to experience true love, feel more loved, love more. Contrary to what we tend to assume, adoration does not lead to love, reality, life or truth. Love is generated through awareness of what is REAL.

Thomas De Mello says, “If you wish to Love, You must learn to see again. You must give up your drug.” These ‘drugs’ is a term for all our psychological defenses, distractions, co-dependent addictions or whatever you do to avoid your uncomfortable feelings. Love actually comes through awareness. It comes from dropping the illusions and obstructions to pure perception. Love is the essence of REALITY and your own eternal spiritual beingness.

(See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWGnV4eFCbM&list=PL9285D44ED7F7B18B&index=68)

Wisdom has always been more about what illusions we are willing to let go of. Dropping your masks and pretenses. It is the same for love. As Thomas De Mello says simply,

The unobstructed heart and mind is love and wisdom. Understand the obstruction and obstacles and they will drop. Turning on the light of awareness. Happiness is not something you acquire or produce or have. Love is something that has you! “

In practice and with time, you surrender to it when you are aware of your illusions, addictions, desires and fears. It is a gradual process of tearing away those conditioned “assumptions” and attachments we have clung to, oftentimes without even knowing how we did it. These “mind control programs” and clinging desires are like sticky tentacles latching onto us, creating a “tar baby” effect. (See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tar-Baby)

In aloneness, where we can be in enough solitude to be aware of and let go of these clinging dependencies, it will be like a cold turkey death. If you can be alone not having the company of people, and be emotionally dependent on them anymore to feel special, adored, appreciated, you will become free. You can be in the midst of people, and enjoy their company but they will no longer have any power over you, to make you happy or miserable. Your dependence on them dies and your capacity to love is born. Why? Because you no longer see others as the means to satisfy your addictions and dependencies.

There can be a terror in this kind of aloneness, it is like dying. There could be withdrawal symptoms, like a dark pit of emptiness. When you have let go of your own need to control someone else, need them to “love you” or be special to anyone you are getting it. If you can get to this point, you will at last know. You will be able to perceive with a vision that is clear and unclouded by fears or desires. Then you can truly love. But you must go through the pains of loss, letting go of addictions, illusions and be utterly alone before this can happen.

Dependence dies and your capacity to love is born. Why—because you no longer see others as the means to satisfy your addictions or narcissistic supply!

No, I don’t think it means being a saint or an advanced yogi who retreats to meditate in caves for years on end. It is a quality of intention with awareness, humbleness, and the dedication to see things through because you are sick and tired of hurting all the time. When you are sick of the pain, the endless recycling of misery, the ridiculous control systems by idiotic predator psychopaths, you will come to a place where enough is enough. Taking personal responsibility means creating the option for freedom, and true happiness. Being in the world but not of it.

But first, we actually have to come to respect our own spiritual heart. Any deep truths and feelings we buried. We must realize the greatest violence to our own being is self-abandonment. It is this self-abandonment that causes the feelings of loneliness, hurt, sorrow and disconnectedness from REALITY.

To paraphrase what Thomas De Mello said,

“You must cultivate ceaseless awareness, patience and compassion as you would have for a drug addict. Develop taste for good things in life, pure, simple, things. Work, laughter, intimacy with people to whom you do not cling or who you depend emotionally, but whose company you enjoy. Activities you can do with your whole being, while engaged in them. Success or recognition don’t mean a thing to you. It will help if you return to nature. Mountains—silently commune with trees, animals, flowers, birds, clouds, sky and stars etc. Spiritual exercise to gaze at things, to be aware of things around you. The world will drop, concepts will drop and you will see and you will make contact with reality. That is the cure for lonliness. We usually seek to cure our loneliness through our emotional dependence on people, distractions, noise. Get back to nature. Then you will know your heart has brought you to the vast desert of solitude. No one there to depend on. At first it is unbearable because you are unaccustomed to aloneness. Stick it out, the desert will blossom into love, your heart will burst into song. It will be springtime forever. Drug is gone, you are free. Then you will understand what freedom is, love is, happiness, what REALITY is. Truth is, what GOD is.”

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWGnV4eFCbM&list=PL9285D44ED7F7B18B&index=68)
Our next panel discussion we want to address the concepts of the Matrix engineers using polarity “choices” for neutralization, soul corruption and harvesting strategies. What we need to be doing and letting go of in order to take responsibility for dealing with our SH**. What happens if we choose to ignore the wisdom of our own Source connected Spirit.

Useful blog and links for PTSD Recovery: http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=1022

Updated Declaration of Non-Consent for Interference from Laura Leon’s web site: http://www.sovereignkees.com/non-consent-declaration.html

When Triggering Happens: Psychological Defenses

The difficulties many anomalous trauma survivors have is the ability to respond calmly, rationally, or appropriately when we are triggered in a post-traumatic-stress, hyper-vigilant state. It is like being a deer caught in the headlights, frozen with fear, feeling endangered and powerless in that moment. Or any number of other reactions that may be over sensitive, hostile, passive or even programmed responses of denial. How many times have we replayed some incident over and over in our heads of all the “could have, should have, said or done this or that”, but didn’t, because we were so triggered! Then the self-doubt, shame or blaming projections we make after the fact, and yet when these incidents happen again, we seem to fall into the same patterns over and over again!

Recognizing this when it’s occurring is the first step. This may require we take a “time out” before reacting in a certain situation. Finding time to calm down, center, process this with a mentor, until learning how to respond differently the next time it happens. Because it will.

Much of the time however, we may react unconsciously with certain psychological defenses that may not be as intense as the PTSD triggered reactions, but are maladaptive in our adult years. And these things tend to work together, where our deeply engrained modes of behaving and “defenses” actually can re-create patterns and situations where the extreme triggering keeps happening.

We need to find time and permission to be still, reflect and assess the reality of the situation. Then set time aside to safely process and share experiences with a safe person or group. We rarely can do this alone successfully, because our conditioning and traumas themselves can create blind spots. Sometimes this self-reflection doesn’t happen until a crisis forces us to look at it. But if we wait or put off our own recovery process, we are likely to bring on more pain, problems and suffering not only for ourselves but for others who are close to us.

The most challenging part is rebuilding the foundation of new beliefs and healthy behaviors. Things like like assertiveness and compassionate communication skills, and practicing this in a safe circle of people over time.

Many of us want to feel safe and “good”, but do this to the point of avoidance behaviors (or addictions) so that we neglect practicing new skills which we really need. I’ve often heard victims who are stuck in learned helplessness mode, whose defense mechanism is yet another form of blaming projection. They may make statements like, “You’re not validating me!” or the incessant, “Yes, but…” whenever reflection of their own situation and how to start changing it, is brought up. At some point it must be realized that in recovery and healing mode, there will be some discomfort. Part of the personal growth, healing to wholeness process requires that we feel what is present inside, what and how this gets triggered– like shame, humiliation, sadness, rage, etc. in a structured, process-oriented environment.

Below I have gathered some excerpts from useful articles by therapists on relevant topics encountered on the healing and recovery path.

For example, when we have the complication of recovery from trauma and addictions, it’s important to address the both issues.

Demanding Comfort:

“Demanding Comfort in your recovery is not realistic. This is a common trap – “change should be easy and comfortable, or there is something terribly wrong.” First of all, it is important for you to remember that the patterns you want to change are probably not that comfortable either. Life while using and drinking was often very painful. Second, the truth is that change requires thought and practice to become a new habit. Third, change cannot come through automatic pilot, it comes by living consciously, manually, intentionally accepting yourself and others as becoming. Fourth, the more you allow yourself to feel good about small steps towards your goals, the deeper your changes become. New Program allows you to enjoy healthy steps forward and feel good about learning from steps backward.”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholdemanding.htm
Character Changes Caused by Addiction:

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholcharacter.htm

This is an insightful article on how addiction caused the “two-year-old injured child” to run the show in addictions. It stresses the importance of doing the inner child work which is part of sobriety, so that a healthy response to ill feelings of shame are not repressed, and instead worked through with adult coping skills.

Perceptual Filters:

Our perceptions are filtered through our beliefs and assumptions, our internal dialogue (thoughts) and images, our physiological and behavioral responses, and our emotions. All of these interact to form a filter through which we experience the world. In the process of growing up in an unsafe environment, we make many decisions about ourselves, and the world outside of us.”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholfilters.htm
Assuming Feelings are Fact:

This article is an eye opener showing how our own perceptual filters can create distorted emotional reactions to “reality”. This is often amplified when in an active addiction causes amplified or repressed emotional responses.

“Imagine what impact your alcohol and drug use has had on your perceptual filters. Alcohol is a depressant which impacts depending on dose. At mild levels, alcohol filters your experience as more relaxed and confident. At a higher level, alcohol can trigger a variety of strong emotional reactions: anger, resentment, maudlin, “best friends” sloppy drunk reactions, etc. The feelings that come up while you are drinking and using drugs are not an accurate reflection of your feelings, but rather perceptual filters created by chemicals. The old saying: “What you say when you are drunk is what you really feel” is an absolute lie!”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholfeelings.htm

Powerful Words:

“Notice the kinds of words you are using to describe yourself and others. Listen to the words used in describing the situation. Do you notice flashlight judgmental statements or grace-filled lantern statements that shine with respect and valuing at the entire scene, including you. Keep coming back to this filter as you grow, to deepen your appreciation of the power of words.
There is a profound (subtle) difference between saying “I should quit drinking and using drugs” and “I choose to make my life more manageable by embracing a sober lifestyle.” Over the years of coaching recovering clients, those who allowed themselves to see their identity as “becoming” in their sobriety were the ones who gained quality sobriety and recovery. Those who held to the belief that “I have to quit drinking” usually had to battle a lifetime of resentment and feeling deprived.”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholwords.htm
Developing Self-Esteem:

“When we grow up with distorted mirrors we learn to survive at any cost. We learn rules to help survive. These rules may includes such things as “be nice at all times”, “don’t cause problems”, “don’t get close”, “don’t get mad”, “the invisible”, “don’t outshine dad”, “always put others first”, etc. These rules are usually not stated directly, but we know better than to break them. It is not take tragic war stories to create deep wounds in our self-esteem and character. It is in additional burden on we feel that we have no right to be wounded because we cannot point to dramatic scenes in our families.”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholdevelopselfesteem.htm

Emotional Repression and Memory Loss

Oftentimes with those who have amnesia or poor memories of their childhood, they don’t really understand the full spectrum of their history. They may feel like they really haven’t had “that bad of a childhood”. It’s not about whether it’s good or bad , it’s the reality of repression, habitual defenses and taking on beliefs (or deliberate programming) which has affected self-esteem and healthy coping, affecting interpersonal relationships and many other parameters in their lives.

The aspect of learning to be present, self-connection in the heart and developing an integrated, rational mind requires a safety first. Building self-esteem also involves re-learning skills that many of us never learned as children or even adults. We must start first in a place of non judgement, and corrective supportive interaction.

Sometimes this process of “recovery” requires individual therapy, especially during trauma resolution, emotional processing and deep inner child work. At some point, it is necessary to interact in a group so that one can learn interpersonal interaction, communication skills and appropriate self expression. When in a group we can do this while operating within a structured reflective environment that is safe, and yet can provide “reality checks” of constructive criticism and confrontation, if necessary.

Defense Mechanisms that Affect Relationships

http://www.byregion.net/articles-healers/Defense_Mechanisms.html

“Repression is a defense mechanism first described by Sigmund Freud, as a way that people keep unpleasant memories out of their conscious mind. Repression is a compensatory style that deals with threat and stress by blocking unpleasant emotional experiences that might bring up anxiety, distress and vulnerability. Being split off from feelings is called alexithymia. Repressors have a chronic inaccessible filter that keeps them from experiencing the world through their emotions. They feel attacked and then distance and isolate from others when they are stressed. They avoid talking about and rehashing unpleasant experiences as this adds to their stress. They become inaccessible to others when they feel the problem has been solved by their solution of dismissing it. They are conflict avoidant and cannot tolerate working things out to the satisfaction of their partner. They often deny that there is a problem and have a lack of insight about how their distancing bothers others.”

Narcissism and grandiosity:

“People with severe narcissistic traits long for ideal love that will take care of their fragile sense of self and give them unconditional love. The yearning for getting unconditional love is a unresolved need left over from childhood. Most adults realize unconditional love would be nice. It rarely happens as people we love usually hold us accountable for our actions in some way. People with narcissistic traits distort their self image (again in fantasy to believe that they are superior to others). They think too well of themselves as a defense to cover up their sense of shame deep within. Grandiosity is a distortion which prevents them from blaming themselves and becoming depressed or disintegrated.”

Fantasy thinking:

“Fantasy is an attempt to process information, emotions and unresolved pain to make up for what they did not have in childhood. They place unrealistic demands on others to make them feel better. J. S. Bernstein defined this defense as a person’s “Learning to feel no way but good and to demand success when he did not feel good.” They cannot tolerate negative emotional distress and turn it on others (project) by saying they are bad. They insist on having things their own way which is an unreal attitude that sets others off against them. When they don’t get what they want, they feel devalued. Since they cannot tolerate the feelings of fear, hurt, anxiety, helplessness and despair, they defend against them. They deny and rationalize their own contribution to the problems to preserve their own internal fantasy of being all good and right.They also suffer from the Repressor and Projection defenses described above. Narcissistic people always are Repressors, but not all Repressors are Narcissistic.”

Antidote:
The antidote to narcissistic behavior is to understand how the defenses work, identify and correct the errors in thinking and learn to tolerate frustration, anxiety, sadness and shame. By learning to be straight first with the self, and then with others, these unhealthy defense can be lessened. Then the person can learn to live in the world of reality even though it hurts at times instead of turning to a fantasy which can never be gained.”
Assertiveness and Compassionate Communication Links:

http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/ht/howtoassert.htm

http://www.listeningway.com/cctutorial-1.html

http://www.listeningway.com/cctutorial-1.html#Steps

EL: Living consciously with positive intentions for wholeness, truth, and essential goodness requires mindfulness and practice. Learning how to communicate clearly, with compassion, assertiveness and finesse requires diligent practice, courage, and building a circle of safe relationships. It starts now, one person at a time.