Cleaning Up Others Messes: When is Enough?

There comes a point in our own healing and “waking up” process, where the uncomfortable aftermath of recovery from anomalous trauma, may result in having to clean up the mess of what has become of our own life. Sometimes we end up cleaning up others messes as well. It may not be as severe a situation as narcissistic abuse—like severing a relationship with a mind controlled or hosted “handler” type or an addict who refuses to deal with their shi**. Maybe it is the aftermath of a divorce or a messy “roommate” relationship that you find yourself having to constantly clean up after.

If you consistently keep finding yourself in situations where you end up “cleaning up after others messes”, you may still be operating in a co-dependent fashion. These messes can be physical, like always ending up picking up after someone, washing their dishes, doing their laundry, clearing the trail of endless clutter they leave in your home or shared space. Or those who leave toxic emotional dumping clouds of energy in your home. It could be you finding yourself making excuses for the “abuser/manipulator/addict” who, due to their own unresolved issues, make poor choices and you end up paying for their stupid mistakes. Paying their bills, and organizing their life for them. Or maybe it’s the slob next door—who allows their dog to poop in your yard repeatedly without picking it up and disposing of it. (I actually have found a hilarious remedy for that—but I digress…) Do you find yourself having failed friendships, and find yourself making up excuses for a spouses poor behavior and even believing those excuses?

The messes can be emotional “clutter” of others who will not deal with their shi**, and who actually manipulate you into cleaning up after them, and even feeling responsible for them.
I find it mind boggling, and yes— enraging—at how other people, who put on pretenses that they are poor victims of circumstance, who have never really dealt with their sh**, live their entire lives and mold their personality style into manipulators who take from others, while appearing like innocent, powerless victims. They can be experts at entrapping you into taking care of them, paying for their repeated poor choices, expecting to be rescued every time they become helpless casualties of some circumstance from “another’s abuse”. Another lost job, romantic break up etc. Or the poor, lonely “little harmless old ladies”, with a conglomerate of health issues who entrap you into long, never ending, life-force sucking conversations and dramas, so that you find yourself driving them to the store, to the doctor, to the cafe, and soon they are on your doorstep like a feral cat waiting to find a place to nest in with you to die. Sucking you dry of all life force, time, energy and squandering your resources. And somehow you feel guilty if you don’t help these poor helpless people who somehow keep finding you because you are nice! Sometimes this happens to “empathic people” who want to care but they tend to be taken advantage of by “expert career manipulators”. The reason why they are such expert manipulators is because there is a huge unaware part of their psyche that truly believes they are powerless victims and the only way to get what they want, is to control, coerce, and expertly engineer clever ways for others into feeling sorry for them, feel guilty into giving something to them. Not only this, but they can do this in a way where they expect to be treated like royalty, you give them an inch and they take a mile, then make you feel guilty for not giving them more. Or maybe they just steal things from you, and justify that it’s not even stealing, because after all, in their minds, you can afford what they can’t so you should just give it to them. So they save you the trouble and just take it!

Now there are also users, takers and manipulators who do this through laziness, and fully cognizant pretenses, simply because they would rather someone else to be their slave to pick up after them. You know, the kind that use you for their battery and will not stop taking your energy unless they have something to fear, like real consequences. These kinds of people have no honor and tend to also be abusers, sometimes in a clandestine way such as the covert, narcissist personality types. They tend to be partnered with co dependent victim people who have not yet learned how to respect themselves and set firm boundaries.

When you think about it, sometimes the covert manipulators are worse than the outright thieves or abusers who make no pretenses of what they want and do. I’m not exonerating the overt abusers here, just making a point about how there are two sides to the same kinds of behaviors going on. One is overt, perpetrators of abuse, the other is covert victim, who also abuses but does this through hidden manipulation. Less harmful perhaps, but still an act of deceitful theft, essentially.

 

Belief in Powerlessness or Outright Laziness?

It all boils down to having some deep seated belief in being powerless and not having the courage, means, skill and humility to communicate appropriately and take personal responsibility to change their situations. This can go on for generations, and in some cultures where the female gender was oppressed and devalued for example, they can become expert manipulators and pass on these dysfunctional behaviors and beliefs until they are forced to change. And believe it or not, when someone carries the frequency of, “I am a powerless victim” this actually draws to you, an abuser to compliment your shadow side. Sometimes these manipulative, whining victim, or abusive behaviors need to be confronted in therapy. More often than not it will be forced to come to the surface in less favorable circumstances, perhaps in an embarrassing squabble in public. You know, the kind that just “pops out” when they had a little too much to drink and WHAM, they do something completely asinine!

If you are doing your own healing work, it may come to the point of realizing it is no longer your responsibility to put up with others messes anymore and you must find a way to confront them, so that YOU don’t have to deal with their sh** anymore. At some point some of us have had to say “No more! I will no longer be willing to deal with your dysfunctional behaviors any longer and am telling you now what I see as an unacceptable situation for me.” This is when you come to realize, “what is yours is yours, and what it mine is mine, and from here on out, YOU CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESSES!”

 

Taking Personal Responsibility by Communicating Well

This is when it becomes difficult, because on the one hand, it is your responsibility to do what you can to communicate effectively, with integrity, even compassionately, to let the other person know how their behavior affects you. You can do this with the 4 Rules of Compassionate Communication by doing the Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests. (See: http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/aboutnvc/4partprocess.htm) It needs to be spoken in non-demanding, nor angry tones or blaming language. If you are angry, scared or feeling too triggered, it’s best to wait, think things through, write it out succinctly or take a time out. Then return to the issue when you are calmer and focused and clear on what you observe, feel, need and want. And here you must really be wise on what language to use, keeping in mind what words connote blame or judgement, and be honest with what you are really feeling and what this triggers inside of you. If you can be present with the feelings inside you, and come to understand on a deeper level what is really happening here, you will be able to be present with the other person more effectively in communication. And even if you do this with finesse, compassionate assertiveness and all of that—you may still end up with a volatile situation where you end up feeling like you’ve lost the battle. The other person, being unaware of what they habitually do, will most likely react with defense, justification and blame. So prepare yourself. Most people do not really know how to communicate compassionately, with ethical consideration or self awareness. They tend to react and habitually defend their position. It may not be a battle, but a potentially hurtful situation, and depending on how the other “confronted” person reacts or responds, may determine what you now must do, to take ethical responsibility. This is always hardest with a spouse, family member or maybe someone you work with closely like a business partner.

On a larger scale, ethical communication skills are much needed in diplomacy, international relations and business negotiations. I believe every educational system should incorporate these basics, because obviously most of us did not learn this growing up, even in relatively “functional families”. And the cost of misunderstanding is so huge that to not value or learn such simple, basic—non-violent communication skills is nothing short of stupidity.

 

Manipulation Tactics are Acts of Disrespect and Theft

It is especially challenging when you must confront someone who you have known or lived with a long time like a parent or older sibling who has gotten used to “manipulating you” for example, with guilt trips. Or maybe it’s the neighborhood bully, drug lord or crime boss. Or a spouse who will keep doing everything they can to throw you back into the “role” of the defenseless victim so they can maintain control to avoid their own self-responsibility—thus leaving you with a big mess or emotional toxic dump that is not your stuff. What can you do or say in such situations?

Let’s say you grew up in an alcoholic home, where the usual avoidance behaviors of one parent was to blame the other or play the whining victim, so it’s up to you to be the peacekeeper in the home. And if you don’t do this job, by placating the rage-aholic, abuser-alcoholic, etc., you or others could very well get severely injured. Of course, having to confront someone when you have these kinds of memories, can trigger feelings so intense, it causes you to freeze up and feel that same fear for your life all over again. You become like a deer caught in the headlights or tongue tied. Or you become so enraged at the slightest sense of being manipulated that you can literally become unglued and lose it, and then say angry, blaming things that really hurt the other person. If these kinds of feelings come up for you, when interacting with a “manipulator” then it’s best to take a time out and calm down. Think things through, organize your thoughts, feelings and what exactly you would like to communicate so that you don’t end up being abusive yourself. Be wise on not getting yourself possibly injured or killed by a narcissist abuser who is violent and untrustworthy. In some situations, obviously you must opt for silence or learn how to be the perfect operative “super spy” to get yourself out of a very dangerous situation, like in the movie, “Sleeping with the Enemy” movie with Julia Roberts. (See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleeping_with_the_Enemy)

Here you really have to assess the situation because you don’t want to fuel an already volatile situation with someone dangerous who is looking for a fight. Being a wise martial artist like “Kung Fu” may be the best approach, if you have the skills to do so.

A helpful way to organize your communication is to have the 4 aspects of Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests written down, and have a pre made list of verbs, feelings, needs and language that is simple, non blaming and really clear, so that you can “fill in the blanks” and edit simple phrases to speak or write. Taking a Compassionate Communication Course is a great way to initiate such self responsibility. (See: https://www.cnvc.org/learn-nvc/learn-nonviolent-communication) Practice with a group or counselor first, or read it through with a neutral listener before barging ahead to “let the manipulator have it”. This is not about punishment or judgement, but clearing your own self of how you have been pulled into someone else’s “Game” of manipulation, and finding a legal exit and emotional resolution, so you can end this cycle of suffering and madness.

I believe in offering a time frame, maybe 24-48 hours before you communicate (especially if you were triggered) or for the other to respond from your communication before making any kind of consequential decisions. If it’s possible, communicate in ways where you both can reach a heart level of empathy for each others feelings, beliefs and situation.

As many of us know who have had to leave a narcissist or any kind of abuser, addict etc., the moment you start to do your own real healing work and take self-responsibility is when they really start to initiate all sorts of control tactics, triggering dramas and scheming entrapment scenarios. (Or even paranormal interference patterns start amping up.) When these things happen, a chicanery of theft is actually going on with your time, energy or resources. When people habitually do things like “tell you what you are going to do with commands, (unless it’s your boss at work and you made a legal agreement to do this job, etc.) or they keep you in the dark without communicating true intentions or plans that affect you, habitually manipulate or guilt trip you, then it is time to confront them. Or initiate the no contact rule. Once the lightbulb goes off that when people do these kinds of behaviors habitually, they are in actuality, users and takers, who are essentially carrying out actions of theft and deceit. Of course they may not be aware of what they are actually doing, but some very well do know what they are doing. In these situations, it can be helpful if you have an ally, whether it is a mediator in a legal divorce settlement, a marriage counselor, or perhaps in a family intervention situation with the assistance of an addiction & recovery counselor or police officer who is trained to deal with family interventions.

Here you must be willing to follow through on your own boundary assertions with consequences. This is hardest with children, teen agers, drug and alcohol abusers and learned helplessness conditioned, “whining victims” who have manipulated others for a lifetime. And of course some overt abusers will never change, unless they are stopped by force. In the least, we can stop feeding them our attention and energy. Disengage emotional contact with these people so they cannot get their hooks into you.

 

When Silence is Not Golden

If we can remind ourselves that our silence is our AGREEMENT OF ENTRAPMENT to be abused, tricked, cheated of our resources, time, energy, love, jobs, freedom—you fill in the blanks—then it is time we all learned how to communicate effectively and say NO. Let our declaration of non-consent of disrespect, thievery and abuse be known so that the full ramifications of consequences of the duplicitous users and takers be laid to rest. Let the chips fall where they may. I believe now is the time, where each individual must take personal responsibility to deal with their own stuff, and to stop expecting others to clean up their messes.

Perhaps some questions to ask are, “what in reality is “fair play”, and what are the true rules of the Game here? Have we been led to believe or make choices that have been deliberately laid out for us, within the limited parameters of multiple choices that keep leading us astray into the recycling game the Archontic parasites?

When we can start to master our own selves, clarify our own minds, balance our emotional energy and communicate effectively, then we can start dealing with the BIGGER ISSUES which await us all.
Related Articles: http://evelorgen.com/wp/news/victim-consciousness-and-the-predatorparasite-game/

For Sample Declaration of Non-Consent Statements See:

Statement of Non Consent to Enter the GAME of the Predator/Parasite

http://www.sovereignkees.com/non-consent-declaration.html

Building Upon the Real for the Greater Good

In my previous article, The Aftermath of the Alien Love Bite, Soul Types and Predators”(See: http://evelorgen.com/wp/articles/alien-love-bite-related/the-aftermath-of-the-alien-love-bite-soul-types-and-predators/) I proposed to write an article that could answer some tough questions by my clients, especially the ones who were born into “specific bloodlines” of ruling occult groups who target them for many reasons. The questions that have been repeatedly brought up by some Dark Side of Cupid, “love bite” experiencers are, “Why do I repeatedly keep being targeted by vampiric and especially “reptilian hosted” agents who seem to be run by these inter dimensional beings?” And of course the biggest question by these people is, “what can I do to keep these parasites away from me?” How can I build my life and authentic love relationships with a human being who is benevolently compatible and not like “the other predators?”

I contemplated this from a more spiritual perspective based upon a profound experience I had many years ago at the age of 22. This experience catalyzed a deep realization of remembrance, a core essence of being, whose depth of “realness” was so immense, total, absolute and freeing, that the core significance of it vindicated a deep realness within an eternal place of being. A deeper, greater reality. It was recognition of truth of beingness free of the earthly and even “astral” state of being. This deep knowing is present always, when in this state of presence. But when I returned back into my body state of consciousness, the shock of this realization was so intense it nearly gave me a heart attack. In fact, I believed at the time, if I did not return to my “body” from this realized state of beingness, my heart would explode and I would die of some kind of heart attack.

Well, I did not die physically, but the experience of spiritual remembrance left me shaken, wordless and deeply imprinted in such a way that a truth was revealed in me, for recognitions sake, beyond all religion or teachings that I had known at that time. It was not until many years later in my exploration of Gnostic, Tibetan Buddhist studies and Advaita-Vedanta mystical teachings that I came to understand this experience. But the ironic thing about this realization was that my original intention and prayers for three days and nights was to “know and understand the truth of Jesus Christ, the one in the Bible.” Well, I can assure you this was no “vision” of Jesus but more of a direct recognition of beingness that was so utterly real in its depth, that there was no question in my mind about what truth is inside our being. “Seek the Kingdom of Heaven first within you and all will be added unto you.” Each and every one of us who has an eternal spirit of awareness has this within them. But most of us do not fully remember this state of being.

 

What People Really Want—Freedom and Happiness

So much of what my counseling clients seek is of course, happiness, but more specifically, freedom from inter dimensional interference, and all that goes with this. The “archontic” Matrix control systems run by seemingly predatory beings, both human and non human— appears to be the problem on “the outside” that ruins so many lives. Ultimately I believe, building upon and recognizing the real—our internal truth of being—is the key to freedom, empowerment, love and all good things. But for most people, and even “yogis and mystics”, this must be done gradually, in such a way that we increase and expand our awareness of “reality”. This awareness becomes more and more real, until we can sustain a measure of lucidity in mindfulness.

True happiness comes from within. It actually arises out of getting in touch with our core essence of being. Contact with true reality. It is not a short term investment strategy, nor does it have to take a long time. But it does require that you desire it, are willing to be still, have faith, be patient, humble and courageous.

 
Getting Lucid with Mindfulness and Self-Observation

This must be a step by step process, where we are intentionally committed expand our own awareness, out of which comes change. Mindfulness is not really about “trying to change” but rather intending on allowing ones awareness to be aware of truth versus lies; stalking the illusions. As we go into a place of self-observation and mindfulness, we will start to perceive what distractions and “obstacles in our path” have prevented us from being still, from being happy, from feeling love. From feeling truly alive and knowing ourselves in our core essence. It is not a “conceptual self analysis” or self-absorbed narcissism either. It requires us to take notice of whatever feelings are present in the moment, without identifying with them so much that we lose our lucidity.

What is lucidity, you may ask? For me, it is awareness of being aware. Like what happens when you are in a dream, and know you are dreaming. In that moment of recognition, the reality of the dream deepens immensely, everything vivifies, and with it can come a natural state of wonder and joy of whatever arises in the moment. It unleashes the wonder of each unfolding moment as a mystery that is beyond our illusion of controlling the dream. Many people assume that lucidity in dreams is being able to control the dream or the vividness of it. But this is in error. It is the absolute knowing that you are dreaming and therefore have a greater ability to create and connect on expanded levels of being, not only as the dreamer, but as the background of the dreams and characters. It is a wonderful oneiric laboratory to explore self-healing, and discovering parts of ourselves we may not be fully aware of. We can apply lucidity in our meditation, in our daily lives. We can take advantage of this process when we have negative feelings and positive feelings. With lucid awareness our understanding of the feelings observed in that moment will be revealed in such a way, that we are able change out of an authentic awakening, with much less effort.

When we “wake up” we no longer will hold on to the things which we realize are illusions, distractions, addictions, bad relationships, avoidance or self-pity. The waking up process is not so easy however. When it does happen, it can be painful, and we may hit a threshold of obstacles, pain, and intense suffering of any number of feelings before we have that “aha!” moment. It tends to happen in stages when we can process the insights revealed over time and with maturity. In my view, the spiritual path to awakening is a healing journey where deep psychological changes take place.

 

Psychological Healing and Trauma Resolution Therapy Helps Wake Us Up

Waking up to a greater spiritual reality inevitably requires substantial psychological self reflection and healing of our deepest core wounds. This is essentially a psychotherapeutic process to root out the original causes of our suffering. It is really a rooting out process of identifying that which is false, and cutting through the psychological defenses which keep us from connecting deeper into our own core selves. Oftentimes it is easier to discover what the truth is by knowing in our heart, what we are not. And I can assure you, most beliefs in the “matrix world system” are geared to prop up false beliefs about who and what you are, in order to control you. The unenlightened love to lord over and control you, they are lovers of power, usually with big egos. Have you ever noticed how the power hungrier someone is, the more of a psychopath they turn out to be? And do you really think they have your best interests at heart?

Now here is a paradox. The truth is, things do not need to be fixed, they need to be understood. If we can truly understand without judgement and over identification and excessive emotional triggering, things will change naturally. Oh, but what does this really mean when we break things down into practical day to day living and being?

Therapy and counseling in some practices are more about alleviating symptoms or reinforcing the “matrix world view”, where pharmaceuticals are prescribed or “things to make you feel better” are advised. And on the spiritual front line of “enlightenment solutions” we can run into the fake gurus who are really spiritual predator-vampires. Gatekeepers and soul entrappers who end up identifying and feeding off of the real “gifted ones”. Then they target you to exploit or clamp down your real, supernatural abilities. I do find it almost ironic, that many who have woken up, have found out by going to hell and back. Or having been trapped by evil sorcerers, or being in an abusive relationship with a narcissist only to discover what they don’t want and who they are not. This is a huge key. You want to know why?

Because when things get bad enough you are forced to feel negative emotions. You may be forced to drop your ego and surrender enough to experience a deeper presence of being within. You may hit rock bottom like the alcoholic or drug addict who finally realizes their way of life is killing them. They finally wake up to the shocking insanity and intense pain they are feeling. It is necessary to get in touch with the negative feelings you are having, be aware of what they are. Take note of the positive ones too. What causes these feelings, really? Where do they start in your body? Can you be in your body or are you habitually dissociating? You need to be still long enough to know when your automatic, triggered avoidance patterns start kicking into gear, in ways that actually pull you out of REALITY and connection with your heart and your core self. You know that is what addictions are all about don’t you? Avoidance of uncomfortable feelings, hidden traumas and vulnerable emotional wounds.

Do you know what is funny? Addicts and alcoholics feel like life would be boring and dull without the drugs, alcohol etc. Many have not really got into contact with their core selves because they are avoiding bad feelings, perhaps repressed traumas. Trauma and addictions go together like peas and carrots. If you work on one, let’s say the drinking part, the other issue will rise to the surface. If you deal with the trauma first, and truly resolve the trauma over time, (or even rapidly with modalities such as Rapid Release Trauma Therapy, hypnotherapies etc.) your addictions may just stop by themselves. Or in the least with less effort. This is where the understanding part comes in. With understanding, things will change naturally. You don’t have to “fix feelings”, you just have to self-connect long enough to understand, let go of the illusions and the problems disappear. It is really more about letting go.

And you know what will drive psychopaths and abusers away from you? You want to get rid of them? Start a meditation practice, be still, silent and ever aware. They will think you are so BORING they will leave you alone and have to find someone else for their narcissistic supply of energy!

 

The Walls We Hit Before Waking Up

Faith is the number one necessity before any positive change can occur. This is a pre-requisite for Buddhist teachings on enlightenment and for genuine happiness as well. It is not just a Christian virtue, but is supreme in just about every religion. If you prefer, we can say that it is helpful that you see that it is desirable to wake up in order to relieve your suffering. It must be desirable to give up illusions and dependencies on what is NOT REAL so you can make contact with that deeper REALITY. That awakening to the deeper reality of your true beingness is so powerful that entire systems of control have been created to keep you addicted to the fake, so as to distract you without you even knowing you are a puppet. So do you really want freedom and awakening?

And what tends to happen before we can drop illusions, over identifications, and ego masks to go deeper inside the mystery of the heart and spirit? Those psychological defenses pop up, mind control programs, avoidance patterns, addictions, distractions and real demons could start manifesting. Oftentimes when our distraction patterns drop, we touch in with our aloneness during periods of silence. We can feel quite alone even when we are with someone, if any emotional wounds have not been dealt with. There is this thing called loneliness which can be so unbearable, despairing and empty that we avoid it at all costs, thinking loneliness can only be cured by having company, or doing the things which numb those bad feelings when you start to feel lonely or depressed. Loneliness can happen when we are with someone or alone. It can happen when we start to be still in solitude, even in meditation, as we get in touch with silence. Sometimes the loneliness is like a wall of the most despairing pain of hopelessness, non love, and shameful unworthiness. A rejection so deep, an abandonment so great that you split it off into another compartment of your being. It could be the overlay covering up rage, intense sadness or even terror. But remember this is a wall, they are feelings, which are not really you, but feelings of experience you have had or still live in you based on something much earlier in life that was never healed or made conscious.

 

Our Addictions and Avoidance Patterns Distort Our Perception of Reality

The difficult part of the self-discovery process is how many of our behaviors are running on a kind of automatic mode, something we cannot seem to consciously control from a logical perspective. When we are still running on these automatic defenses and “conditioned programs”, our perceptions of others and of reality is skewed. We tend to see people through the lens of our own addictive needs—the needs we cling to so that we don’t have to feel uncomfortable feelings, our old wounds still festering inside. If we seem to be stuck in blaming others, or trying to fix the world, we have not fully woken up. If we keep trying to control others in co-dependent relationships, we have not done our self-healing work. If we still are dependent on approval, appreciation and the constant distraction of company of others (in a compulsive way), we are still asleep. If we keep finding ourself looking for love from someone out there, we have not dealt with our stuff. If we habitually manipulate others into providing for our own “psychic energy”, attention and approval, we are actually emotional energy vampires in disguise.

Now I know this sounds harsh and like a cliche about seeking it all within. It is not ALL within but so much of it is, that if we don’t take personal responsibility and a willing humbleness to deal with our SH**, then nothing will change. Love happens through openness and awareness. It can only happen by dropping the illusions which have kept us in this merry go round of distractions, numbness and disconnection from reality.

 

What We Need is Slowing Down

There are some things that we do need, however. Safety is very important, either in or out of a relationship. Many of my anomalous trauma clients lack the safety and sustained stillness to stay with the mindful, healing and recovery process long enough to truly wake up. They may have so much drama and “interference” that any kind of committed therapy process is unlikely. And when this happens I can guarantee you it is part of the “program” to keep the person believing that it is impossible, unnecessary, too expensive, everyone else’s fault and the entire gamut of I’m right, ego rigidity and “yes but…”.excuses. Many of the excuses are part of what I call the learned helplessness, “whining victim” program that effectively self sabotages true change. And if I would tell this to someone who is in the midst of a whopping, whining victim (or predator) program, it would infuriate them. The truth is, they really believe they are powerless because they are trapped in illusions.

What we do need is willingness for more awareness, stillness, enjoying the simple pleasures of life, like decent food, water, light, exercise, a good book, perhaps an entertaining movie now and then. But what we don’t need is to be so busy that we cannot enjoy simple pleasures and instead adopt artificial stimulants, or are too busy and sleep deprived to even enjoy simple pleasures. We want to engage the true senses and slow down. When we do slow down, our senses actually come more alive, making it easier to enjoy simple pleasures. The need for addictions, drama or over stimulation falls away. It only requires a decision to be still with awareness for a short period daily or on a regular enough basis in small steps and goals. You can perceive miracles and hidden, secret things from slowing down. Your perceptions expand, and when you start noticing all kinds of things, understanding of what arises starts to awaken in you. This enables you to change, the awareness that comes with simply slowing down.

 

Mindfulness Meditation is Good

In my own experience, I had explored just about every “therapy” there is, from cognitive-behavioral talk therapy, hypnotherapy, rebirthing, interpersonal communication skills, marriage and family therapy, lucid dreaming, journaling, art therapy, dance, creative writing, martial arts, Chi Gong, authentic movement and yoga. You name it, I did it. Some significant radical shifts in expanded awareness occurred after doing a couple of 10 day shamatha meditation retreats. Shamatha meditation is a very simple form of mindful sitting meditation where one follows the breath, a single object of meditation or awareness of whatever arises in the mind. (http://www.deerparkthimphu.org/activities/shamatha.html) I personally would recommend doing this with a very good teacher in person, someone like Dr. Alan B. Wallace. (http://www.sbinstitute.com/Shamatha_Project)

Sometimes it takes getting out of your ordinary habits in a different environment, where silence and stillness with awareness is the only activity. For me, meditation is what woke me up to feeling and finally perceiving in vivid, expanded awareness, the insanity I had been living, and it was shocking and painful enough for me to change. For other individuals however, it may be something else that wakes them up in such a way as to be the catalyst for effective change. I’ve seen some “meditation junkies” become kind of addicted to the cult aspect of Buddhist community, instead of doing more deep, psychotherapeutic work. Some people actually fall into dissociation, rather than embodied awareness in stillness, that true meditation requires. This is why it is good to have an experienced teacher, who has demonstrated their own internal self-healing and mindfulness work. You will recognize them by their openness, compassion, and wisdom in how they live their lives and how well their own students learn and exemplify wisdom in their lives.

The evidence is when change starts to take place in you, in your awareness. It happens, you don’t do it. If you try to “do it” it doesn’t last. Change is natural through awareness of truth, reality and embodied self-connectedness. Then you keep your openness, flexibility, softness and compassion through awareness. It is not a rigid “trying to control”, change. Or being compelled to lecture or prove yourself right. The evidence is in the softness, ease, effortless effort, compassion, awareness, wisdom and openness. It is a tasting and feeling, an experiential, expanded perception beyond information in your head or over analyzing on a conceptual level. And with this comes strength and courageousness. Joy will start to emerge, a spontaneousness to perceive humor in life as well.

 

Doing the Healing Work

Nothing is more painful and humbling than someone telling you that, “you need therapy”, or ask you sarcastically, “are you off your meds?”. Or when a concerned family member, friend or fellow work mate suggests you get into a recovery program for an ongoing addiction you have normalized in your life, which is starting to create problems that you, apparently, are unaware of. More often than not, when we do decide to get “professional help” for something, it resulted from an uncomfortable situation in our life like a broken relationship, lost job or God forbid, a Driving Under the Influence (DUI) or police arrest. One good thing about suffering is that it can be the agent of positive change and expanded awareness. Some experiences, such as a narcissistic abuse, alien love bite relationships can be so intense and psycho-spiritually shattering that it can serve as a “spiritual initiation” of permanent consciousness change. A real wake up call.

The sad part about “not having done our healing and personal growth work”, or for short, “not dealing with your sh**” (NDWYSH), means that some part of you has disconnected from your spiritual core essence, most likely your emotional center. Part of your heart actually shuts down, and with this shutting down comes a block in your awareness, a blind spot. We do this to ourselves as a reaction to stress, trauma or deep emotional wounds. Sometimes our conditioned beliefs and ways we were raised in our family system required us to be cut off from our own authentic being, or we would not be accepted, loved. In severe cases, if we did not do or be what we were told, we were beaten up, abused or thrown out on the streets. Abandoned.

It is rather ironic that in order to psychologically survive such kinds of abuse and traumas, we abandon our own selves, to protect us from the shock of the reality that perhaps we lived in a very unsafe world, where we really were unloved or had psychopath caretakers. And for many of us, the shock of reality, the extreme vulnerability and powerlessness of childhood, and our feelings about the craziness we have had to endure, was too much for a young child.(It can be too much for an adult!) That inner child—whose real needs, identity, whose heart and soul had to be abandoned or be put in cold storage somewhere, until some day, it would be safe enough to be who we are and feel what we feel.

 
Co-Dependency is a Spiritual Issue

In Melanie Tonia Evans article, “On Co-Dependency and Narcisicism, (See: http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/2014-co-dependency-check-up/) she addresses the culprit of the spiritual disease of Co-Dependency and Narcissism:

“Societal beliefs, unconsciousness, and the horrific programming of ‘Needing to get worthiness, value, approval, and love outside of ourselves’ is all responsible for the dis-ease (yes it is a human disease) of co-dependency.

The reason being is: we are all a product of a world that looks “outwards” for comfort and fulfillment. We were NOT taught to come inside and self-partner in times of stress.
Rather we were told to “Shut up and get on with it”, or that our feelings and emotions were “inconvenient” and “irrelevant” and therefore had to be ignored, repressed, shoved aside or switched off.
As a result we all became more and more disconnected from our emotional centres and we tried to acquire stuff or people’s love and approval to stop the pain, and when that failed we took up addictions (self-avoidance mechanisms) to try to numb ourselves out from the pain.

Co-dependency is a spiritual disease. It is NOT a psychological issue, the psychological component is the symptom. It is an emotional issue, a soul issue.  The remedy does not lie in logical thinking. It requires a deep connection back to yourself and your true connection with Source / Life / God.

Until we know we are at One with Source (and at the Quantum Level that is the absolute scientific truth) we cannot ever be at One with ourselves, others or this planet.
This is when we suffer the results of “disconnection” and are not generating the Source truth of “wellbeing”. Rather we are granted by Source/Life/God the results of our free will choice of living in the illusions of “separation”.

And that separation hurts so much it makes us want to be addicted to whatever alleviates these awful feelings of disconnection from our true REAL SELVES/SPIRIT/SOURCE.

By reacting in unconscious triggering, and whatever addictions we choose to effectively numb our pain, this decision constitutes an agreement to disconnect from our heart and soul, leaving us open for other substitutes to run our “vehicle”. This disconnect also takes away from our life force energy and our awareness in consciousness, because energy and awareness are linked. The more your energy is lost, the less aware you become.

We may have grown up this way, living in dysfunctional families, where all these kinds of crazy behaviors were normalized, including verbal abuse, emotional neglect, boundary invasions, poor communication skills and addictions. And when we grew older, and entered into relationships, jobs and started raising our own families, we started having huge problems. Sometimes it is the problems that wake us up to the discovery of how blind, numb, abusive or victimized we really were. And when we don’t heal these original wounds, we set ourselves up to be hurt even more, sometimes as victims or on the other end of it as perpetrators of abuse.

The difficult thing about effective, lasting change is that it must be dealt with on deeper levels of our being, not just logical analysis or simple awareness of your patterns. It must happen in such a way that you connect to the younger feeling parts of yourself that initially experienced the trauma, the vulnerable part who held false beliefs about themselves or the world, that needs to be let go of. The self abandonment that occurs with early traumas are often linked in with Boundary issues. According to Melanie Tonia Evans,

“True empowered boundaries mean: ‘I love myself and I know my truth. I know who I am, and I will not compromise myself anymore. You have a choice to be in my reality of meeting this higher vibration. If you don’t – that’s okay – I’m not in anymore regardless of the consequences. Because in no way is the correct and healthy development of my life dependent on you making any particular choice, or even understanding what I need. You are NOT my source of self – I AM!’

Now of course we don’t reach this level of conduct until we have done the work on ourselves to get there, and naturally the work is about finding and up-levelling the young unhealed parts of our Inner Being that are still hooked on “You HAVE to be the source of me because I can’t be that to myself”.

It is true, as children we couldn’t be a source to ourselves, we were entirely co-dependent. We were powerless and vulnerable, and if we haven’t healed and up-levelled these young parts – which means self-developing and growing them lovingly and supportively up – they still affect us, regardless of knowing better logically. I promise you the painful aspects of our life are not being created logically, and they can’t be solved logically.

It’s been stated in therapy circles, “There is no healing without feeling”. And I believe this is true. Sometimes all we need is the safety, empathy and permission to feel whatever is happening inside us with gentle nudging towards real release and deep insight. It is amazing what people do when they hit their “wall” of the pain.(Or PTSD overload) Oftentimes they may spin into story telling, over and over, in a cyclic, anger—addicted way, without true resolution of the underlying feeling. Feelings are in layers, and what most people do not understand is that emotions like rage and anger are actually secondary. They cover up deeper feelings that are more vulnerable. The goal is to be able to reach that wall with awareness of what we habitually have been doing to jerk away from the “feeling”, the real memories etc., so we can address that protective part and the beliefs it may hold— which “takes control” to avoid the issue. For some people, they need more aggressive confrontation and redirection to be present with THAT FEELING and memory. Others need more gentle reassurance, nudging and guidance to take that feeling to its origin in the present now. Sometime it must be taken slowly, so that the feelings and embodied awareness of processing this energy can be done with more self control, safely without triggered PTSD syndrome.

Being able to feel, be vulnerable, feel safe, and let go of what is pent up inside creating so many problems, is not always an easy, logical process. It can take time, or it can be relatively fast, once the defenses are set aside to release and get to the truth. Working directly with the subconscious mind, identifying those beliefs and fears is the eventual goal for more rapid resolution. We must get in touch with those abandoned parts, love them, forgive them, self parent them, and allow these parts to grow up. This is how you stop seeking and expecting others to always fill those voids, to be happy. Then we are less likely to attract predators. The predators will be attracted to you if you still are not taking personal responsibility for your healing and still have self abandonment and “blind spots”. If we keep seeking others to “take away our pain”, keep us from feeling lonely, depressed or looking for that magic healer to “clear all my implants, attached entities”, etc. we will fall into the same traps. It is not that a therapist or healer cannot help you, but it should be, rather, that they help guide you to help yourself and bring into your awareness the self-discovery to heal yourself. You have to be ready to feel, and see what you are really believing about yourself, life and others. The denial must be dropped for clear perception. And clarity comes as you drop those addictions, illusions, excessive fears and desires.

If you haven’t gotten it yet that healing is all about deeper self-connection, self responsibility, expanded awareness, and being willing to be vulnerable in your heart, you will fall back into the co-dependent “conditioning program”. Or keep on being addicted to numbing, blaming others, acting out, etc. Or you may fall into the perpetrator rather than victim role, or vacillate between the two.

How can we become more aware of what we are really doing, not doing, believing, or feeling in ways that indicate there is still some healing to do? Are you worried or compelled to try to “protect people from their feelings”? Do you do this unconsciously? What fears are driving you—what beliefs? Practice awareness, mindfulness. Here is a good “Co-Dependency Checklist” that Melanie Tonia Evans created for those in recovery programs:

 
▪ Do you spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think about you?
▪ Do you try to impress other people and make them happy so that you can be happy?
▪ Do you often analyse other people’s lives?
▪ Do you get distressed by bad things that happen which are out of your control?
▪ Do you say and do what you think other people want you to say and do?
▪ Do you try to control other people’s behaviour so that you can feel okay?
▪ When an interaction with someone goes ‘wrong’ do you spend time analysing their actions, what they said and what they might be feeling and thinking?
▪ Do you find it difficult to speak up and confront an issue when you feel uncomfortable?
▪ Do you blame other people for the way you feel?
▪ Do other people’s moods bring your own mood down?
▪ Do you immediately think of someone else who needs this information more than you?
▪ Do you seek and listen to other people’s opinions rather than seeking and listening to your own?
▪ Do you obsess over saying the wrong thing or hurting someone else’s feelings?
▪ Do you hang on to people and situations even when it hurts, hoping they will change into something better?
▪ Do you often feel selfish, guilty or ‘what a waste of time’ when you do something nice for yourself?
▪ Do you often say ‘Yes’ when you really want to say ‘No’?
▪ Do you struggle to listen to your own feelings and go along with other people’s feelings?
▪ Do you give a lot of yourself to other people, even if they don’t ask, and then get upset when they don’t do the same in return?
▪ Do you try to fix or change other people to be who you want them to be?
▪ Do you try and help or fix others who don’t take responsibility for themselves?
▪ Do you tend to put everyone else’s needs before your own?
▪ Do you avoid taking charge of your own life, and / or creating your own happiness in the hope that someone will provide it for you?

For most of us, we didn’t learn how to communicate with reflective empathy, we just did what was modeled to us in our families. And if we never even bothered to do any personal growth work, mindfulness, healing and honest self-reflection, we are likely to be projecting our “stuff” on others unconsciously. We must really know our own histories, childhoods, relating patterns and what our own families have modeled to us. Are we aware of ethics and spiritual laws that may open us up to dark forces and predators? What agreements of entrapment are we actually holding onto without realizing its ramifications? I’m often astounded at how unaware many “normal seeming” people are, who have found themselves victim to psychopaths, supernatural predators and narcissists.

What prevents some people from true mutuality in friendships of respect? Could it be their refusal to be vulnerable to their own hearts and feelings? Are they rigidly holding onto denial and illusions, making you wrong so they don’t have to grow up? Are they trying to control you with their version of what they think “reality” is, while marginalizing your worth and freedom? Do they play fair in relationships so that compassionate communication can even happen? Do they have value systems that marginalize compassionate communication and reflective empathy? Is their own blind spots and psychological defenses causing cold, insensitive behaviors that hurt you? We need to also ask ourselves if we do these kinds of things to others as well.

Perhaps we must ask how much we value our own souls, and choosing what we want to be connected with. Do we really want to experience the truth of REALITY?

 
That Mystery Called Love

I found myself having ahas! when listening to the mystic, Thomas De Mello. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1pNb_tYuHfY&index=69&list=PL9285D44ED7F7B18B)

The ever present desire and need for LOVE is a consistent topic of discussion everywhere. So many people want to experience true love, feel more loved, love more. Contrary to what we tend to assume, adoration does not lead to love, reality, life or truth. Love is generated through awareness of what is REAL.

Thomas De Mello says, “If you wish to Love, You must learn to see again. You must give up your drug.” These ‘drugs’ is a term for all our psychological defenses, distractions, co-dependent addictions or whatever you do to avoid your uncomfortable feelings. Love actually comes through awareness. It comes from dropping the illusions and obstructions to pure perception. Love is the essence of REALITY and your own eternal spiritual beingness.

(See: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWGnV4eFCbM&list=PL9285D44ED7F7B18B&index=68)

Wisdom has always been more about what illusions we are willing to let go of. Dropping your masks and pretenses. It is the same for love. As Thomas De Mello says simply,

The unobstructed heart and mind is love and wisdom. Understand the obstruction and obstacles and they will drop. Turning on the light of awareness. Happiness is not something you acquire or produce or have. Love is something that has you! “

In practice and with time, you surrender to it when you are aware of your illusions, addictions, desires and fears. It is a gradual process of tearing away those conditioned “assumptions” and attachments we have clung to, oftentimes without even knowing how we did it. These “mind control programs” and clinging desires are like sticky tentacles latching onto us, creating a “tar baby” effect. (See: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tar-Baby)

In aloneness, where we can be in enough solitude to be aware of and let go of these clinging dependencies, it will be like a cold turkey death. If you can be alone not having the company of people, and be emotionally dependent on them anymore to feel special, adored, appreciated, you will become free. You can be in the midst of people, and enjoy their company but they will no longer have any power over you, to make you happy or miserable. Your dependence on them dies and your capacity to love is born. Why? Because you no longer see others as the means to satisfy your addictions and dependencies.

There can be a terror in this kind of aloneness, it is like dying. There could be withdrawal symptoms, like a dark pit of emptiness. When you have let go of your own need to control someone else, need them to “love you” or be special to anyone you are getting it. If you can get to this point, you will at last know. You will be able to perceive with a vision that is clear and unclouded by fears or desires. Then you can truly love. But you must go through the pains of loss, letting go of addictions, illusions and be utterly alone before this can happen.

Dependence dies and your capacity to love is born. Why—because you no longer see others as the means to satisfy your addictions or narcissistic supply!

No, I don’t think it means being a saint or an advanced yogi who retreats to meditate in caves for years on end. It is a quality of intention with awareness, humbleness, and the dedication to see things through because you are sick and tired of hurting all the time. When you are sick of the pain, the endless recycling of misery, the ridiculous control systems by idiotic predator psychopaths, you will come to a place where enough is enough. Taking personal responsibility means creating the option for freedom, and true happiness. Being in the world but not of it.

But first, we actually have to come to respect our own spiritual heart. Any deep truths and feelings we buried. We must realize the greatest violence to our own being is self-abandonment. It is this self-abandonment that causes the feelings of loneliness, hurt, sorrow and disconnectedness from REALITY.

To paraphrase what Thomas De Mello said,

“You must cultivate ceaseless awareness, patience and compassion as you would have for a drug addict. Develop taste for good things in life, pure, simple, things. Work, laughter, intimacy with people to whom you do not cling or who you depend emotionally, but whose company you enjoy. Activities you can do with your whole being, while engaged in them. Success or recognition don’t mean a thing to you. It will help if you return to nature. Mountains—silently commune with trees, animals, flowers, birds, clouds, sky and stars etc. Spiritual exercise to gaze at things, to be aware of things around you. The world will drop, concepts will drop and you will see and you will make contact with reality. That is the cure for lonliness. We usually seek to cure our loneliness through our emotional dependence on people, distractions, noise. Get back to nature. Then you will know your heart has brought you to the vast desert of solitude. No one there to depend on. At first it is unbearable because you are unaccustomed to aloneness. Stick it out, the desert will blossom into love, your heart will burst into song. It will be springtime forever. Drug is gone, you are free. Then you will understand what freedom is, love is, happiness, what REALITY is. Truth is, what GOD is.”

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWGnV4eFCbM&list=PL9285D44ED7F7B18B&index=68)
Our next panel discussion we want to address the concepts of the Matrix engineers using polarity “choices” for neutralization, soul corruption and harvesting strategies. What we need to be doing and letting go of in order to take responsibility for dealing with our SH**. What happens if we choose to ignore the wisdom of our own Source connected Spirit.

Useful blog and links for PTSD Recovery: http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=1022

Updated Declaration of Non-Consent for Interference from Laura Leon’s web site: http://www.sovereignkees.com/non-consent-declaration.html

Clearing Susceptibility to Narcissists, Triggering and Bounaries

I found a couple of insightful videos by Melanie Tonia Evans on the connections between susceptibility to boundary invasion by narcissists and our own triggering of unhealed wounds.

We reduce our susceptibility to narcissistic abuse by being able to become aware of what our own unhealed wounds are by “triggering” events. When this happens, we know there is still an unresolved trauma or emotional wound to heal and clear out. When we can release these traumas, eventually we can feel a sense of detachment from these triggering people and situations. Instead of becoming triggered, being obsessed with “trying to prove we are right” or “good people, or getting caught up in justifications, defenses and apologizing for ourselves, we instead can let it go and detach. When we feel we no longer need to “prove ourselves” to other people, we really have let go.

I also see that part of the reason why so many of us still get caught up in being invaded by narcissists or these kinds of boundary invasions, is because we have not cleared out the original wounds. What drives us is sometimes our fear of confrontation, and our lack of ability to communicate with confidence and courageousness. Or we try to endlessly control every situation, interaction, in our fears of trying to prove ourselves worthy. When we truly can stand our ground, communicate clearly what we will accept or not accept in relationships, then we are more able to detach, and then bring into our lives the relationships and situations we want.

Part 1: How To Clear Your Susceptibility To Narcissists – Poor Boundary Function 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjCbqw3C4Zg

Published on Mar 17, 2016
Boundaries are so essential … therefore why is it, even though we all know our homes, cars and bank accounts require security, that we struggle to have boundaries for our psychic, emotional and psychological wellbeing?

Having poor boundary function is the Number ONE reason why we can be taken in and abused by narcissists, and you may be surprised to learn that arguing back does not constitute “standing up for yourself” or “having healthy boundaries”.

How to Clear your Susceptibility to Narcissists, Poor Boundary Function:
Part 2:

Published on Mar 25, 2016

Last week we went through the understanding of boundaries, what they are, and how we really have not known how to take care of our emotional, mental and psychic boundaries.

This week in Part 2 we go through how to set boundaries as a definite step-by-step process.

These processes are ones that ensure you get in your body, connect to your truth and are not derailed by what other people are or aren’t doing.

They will fascinate you in their simplicity, but also will bring up for you the deep understanding about how our own personal development is so important in order to lay down and hold these boundaries.

Please post any ongoing questions you may have that you would like me to address in future boundary episodes, as I would love to cover them for you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LECgh0IIlPo

When Triggering Happens: Psychological Defenses

The difficulties many anomalous trauma survivors have is the ability to respond calmly, rationally, or appropriately when we are triggered in a post-traumatic-stress, hyper-vigilant state. It is like being a deer caught in the headlights, frozen with fear, feeling endangered and powerless in that moment. Or any number of other reactions that may be over sensitive, hostile, passive or even programmed responses of denial. How many times have we replayed some incident over and over in our heads of all the “could have, should have, said or done this or that”, but didn’t, because we were so triggered! Then the self-doubt, shame or blaming projections we make after the fact, and yet when these incidents happen again, we seem to fall into the same patterns over and over again!

Recognizing this when it’s occurring is the first step. This may require we take a “time out” before reacting in a certain situation. Finding time to calm down, center, process this with a mentor, until learning how to respond differently the next time it happens. Because it will.

Much of the time however, we may react unconsciously with certain psychological defenses that may not be as intense as the PTSD triggered reactions, but are maladaptive in our adult years. And these things tend to work together, where our deeply engrained modes of behaving and “defenses” actually can re-create patterns and situations where the extreme triggering keeps happening.

We need to find time and permission to be still, reflect and assess the reality of the situation. Then set time aside to safely process and share experiences with a safe person or group. We rarely can do this alone successfully, because our conditioning and traumas themselves can create blind spots. Sometimes this self-reflection doesn’t happen until a crisis forces us to look at it. But if we wait or put off our own recovery process, we are likely to bring on more pain, problems and suffering not only for ourselves but for others who are close to us.

The most challenging part is rebuilding the foundation of new beliefs and healthy behaviors. Things like like assertiveness and compassionate communication skills, and practicing this in a safe circle of people over time.

Many of us want to feel safe and “good”, but do this to the point of avoidance behaviors (or addictions) so that we neglect practicing new skills which we really need. I’ve often heard victims who are stuck in learned helplessness mode, whose defense mechanism is yet another form of blaming projection. They may make statements like, “You’re not validating me!” or the incessant, “Yes, but…” whenever reflection of their own situation and how to start changing it, is brought up. At some point it must be realized that in recovery and healing mode, there will be some discomfort. Part of the personal growth, healing to wholeness process requires that we feel what is present inside, what and how this gets triggered– like shame, humiliation, sadness, rage, etc. in a structured, process-oriented environment.

Below I have gathered some excerpts from useful articles by therapists on relevant topics encountered on the healing and recovery path.

For example, when we have the complication of recovery from trauma and addictions, it’s important to address the both issues.

Demanding Comfort:

“Demanding Comfort in your recovery is not realistic. This is a common trap – “change should be easy and comfortable, or there is something terribly wrong.” First of all, it is important for you to remember that the patterns you want to change are probably not that comfortable either. Life while using and drinking was often very painful. Second, the truth is that change requires thought and practice to become a new habit. Third, change cannot come through automatic pilot, it comes by living consciously, manually, intentionally accepting yourself and others as becoming. Fourth, the more you allow yourself to feel good about small steps towards your goals, the deeper your changes become. New Program allows you to enjoy healthy steps forward and feel good about learning from steps backward.”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholdemanding.htm
Character Changes Caused by Addiction:

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholcharacter.htm

This is an insightful article on how addiction caused the “two-year-old injured child” to run the show in addictions. It stresses the importance of doing the inner child work which is part of sobriety, so that a healthy response to ill feelings of shame are not repressed, and instead worked through with adult coping skills.

Perceptual Filters:

Our perceptions are filtered through our beliefs and assumptions, our internal dialogue (thoughts) and images, our physiological and behavioral responses, and our emotions. All of these interact to form a filter through which we experience the world. In the process of growing up in an unsafe environment, we make many decisions about ourselves, and the world outside of us.”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholfilters.htm
Assuming Feelings are Fact:

This article is an eye opener showing how our own perceptual filters can create distorted emotional reactions to “reality”. This is often amplified when in an active addiction causes amplified or repressed emotional responses.

“Imagine what impact your alcohol and drug use has had on your perceptual filters. Alcohol is a depressant which impacts depending on dose. At mild levels, alcohol filters your experience as more relaxed and confident. At a higher level, alcohol can trigger a variety of strong emotional reactions: anger, resentment, maudlin, “best friends” sloppy drunk reactions, etc. The feelings that come up while you are drinking and using drugs are not an accurate reflection of your feelings, but rather perceptual filters created by chemicals. The old saying: “What you say when you are drunk is what you really feel” is an absolute lie!”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholfeelings.htm

Powerful Words:

“Notice the kinds of words you are using to describe yourself and others. Listen to the words used in describing the situation. Do you notice flashlight judgmental statements or grace-filled lantern statements that shine with respect and valuing at the entire scene, including you. Keep coming back to this filter as you grow, to deepen your appreciation of the power of words.
There is a profound (subtle) difference between saying “I should quit drinking and using drugs” and “I choose to make my life more manageable by embracing a sober lifestyle.” Over the years of coaching recovering clients, those who allowed themselves to see their identity as “becoming” in their sobriety were the ones who gained quality sobriety and recovery. Those who held to the belief that “I have to quit drinking” usually had to battle a lifetime of resentment and feeling deprived.”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholwords.htm
Developing Self-Esteem:

“When we grow up with distorted mirrors we learn to survive at any cost. We learn rules to help survive. These rules may includes such things as “be nice at all times”, “don’t cause problems”, “don’t get close”, “don’t get mad”, “the invisible”, “don’t outshine dad”, “always put others first”, etc. These rules are usually not stated directly, but we know better than to break them. It is not take tragic war stories to create deep wounds in our self-esteem and character. It is in additional burden on we feel that we have no right to be wounded because we cannot point to dramatic scenes in our families.”

http://www.cairforyou.com/alchoholdrugs/alcoholdevelopselfesteem.htm

Emotional Repression and Memory Loss

Oftentimes with those who have amnesia or poor memories of their childhood, they don’t really understand the full spectrum of their history. They may feel like they really haven’t had “that bad of a childhood”. It’s not about whether it’s good or bad , it’s the reality of repression, habitual defenses and taking on beliefs (or deliberate programming) which has affected self-esteem and healthy coping, affecting interpersonal relationships and many other parameters in their lives.

The aspect of learning to be present, self-connection in the heart and developing an integrated, rational mind requires a safety first. Building self-esteem also involves re-learning skills that many of us never learned as children or even adults. We must start first in a place of non judgement, and corrective supportive interaction.

Sometimes this process of “recovery” requires individual therapy, especially during trauma resolution, emotional processing and deep inner child work. At some point, it is necessary to interact in a group so that one can learn interpersonal interaction, communication skills and appropriate self expression. When in a group we can do this while operating within a structured reflective environment that is safe, and yet can provide “reality checks” of constructive criticism and confrontation, if necessary.

Defense Mechanisms that Affect Relationships

http://www.byregion.net/articles-healers/Defense_Mechanisms.html

“Repression is a defense mechanism first described by Sigmund Freud, as a way that people keep unpleasant memories out of their conscious mind. Repression is a compensatory style that deals with threat and stress by blocking unpleasant emotional experiences that might bring up anxiety, distress and vulnerability. Being split off from feelings is called alexithymia. Repressors have a chronic inaccessible filter that keeps them from experiencing the world through their emotions. They feel attacked and then distance and isolate from others when they are stressed. They avoid talking about and rehashing unpleasant experiences as this adds to their stress. They become inaccessible to others when they feel the problem has been solved by their solution of dismissing it. They are conflict avoidant and cannot tolerate working things out to the satisfaction of their partner. They often deny that there is a problem and have a lack of insight about how their distancing bothers others.”

Narcissism and grandiosity:

“People with severe narcissistic traits long for ideal love that will take care of their fragile sense of self and give them unconditional love. The yearning for getting unconditional love is a unresolved need left over from childhood. Most adults realize unconditional love would be nice. It rarely happens as people we love usually hold us accountable for our actions in some way. People with narcissistic traits distort their self image (again in fantasy to believe that they are superior to others). They think too well of themselves as a defense to cover up their sense of shame deep within. Grandiosity is a distortion which prevents them from blaming themselves and becoming depressed or disintegrated.”

Fantasy thinking:

“Fantasy is an attempt to process information, emotions and unresolved pain to make up for what they did not have in childhood. They place unrealistic demands on others to make them feel better. J. S. Bernstein defined this defense as a person’s “Learning to feel no way but good and to demand success when he did not feel good.” They cannot tolerate negative emotional distress and turn it on others (project) by saying they are bad. They insist on having things their own way which is an unreal attitude that sets others off against them. When they don’t get what they want, they feel devalued. Since they cannot tolerate the feelings of fear, hurt, anxiety, helplessness and despair, they defend against them. They deny and rationalize their own contribution to the problems to preserve their own internal fantasy of being all good and right.They also suffer from the Repressor and Projection defenses described above. Narcissistic people always are Repressors, but not all Repressors are Narcissistic.”

Antidote:
The antidote to narcissistic behavior is to understand how the defenses work, identify and correct the errors in thinking and learn to tolerate frustration, anxiety, sadness and shame. By learning to be straight first with the self, and then with others, these unhealthy defense can be lessened. Then the person can learn to live in the world of reality even though it hurts at times instead of turning to a fantasy which can never be gained.”
Assertiveness and Compassionate Communication Links:

http://stress.about.com/od/relationships/ht/howtoassert.htm

http://www.listeningway.com/cctutorial-1.html

http://www.listeningway.com/cctutorial-1.html#Steps

EL: Living consciously with positive intentions for wholeness, truth, and essential goodness requires mindfulness and practice. Learning how to communicate clearly, with compassion, assertiveness and finesse requires diligent practice, courage, and building a circle of safe relationships. It starts now, one person at a time.

 

Victim Consciousness and the Predator/Parasite GAME

After working in Anomalous Trauma for over 20 years, I have been able to recognize patterns play out between abuse victims and perpetrators. It is really no mystery, as much of these patterns became well known through the counseling and recovery movement of victims of abuse who were either partners of abusers or children from alcoholic homes. The original definition of Co Dependency arose from the studies of alcoholics and the partners who enabled them.

https://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Codependency.html

Codependence was first described as a problem observed in children of alcoholics, who developed distinctive patterns of denial, shame, avoidance, lack of boundaries, low self-worth and excessive sensitivity to the needs of others in an attempt to compensate for their parents’ disorders. These characteristics often carry over into adulthood and s-called “adult children” often find themselves in patterns of unstable social relationships.The terms “codependent” and “dysfunctional ” originally referred to families specifically affected by alcoholism. However, these terms have been popularly generalized to include any household situation involving a neglectful or abusive family member. Therefore, codependency often describes the characteristics of family members, spouses and partners of people who suffer from personality disorders and other mental illnesses.”

Characteristics of Codependency

Denial Patterns:

• I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.

• I minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel.

• I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the wellbeing of others.

Low Self Esteem Patterns:

• I have difficulty making decisions.

I judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never “good enough.”

• I am embarrassed to receive recognition and praise or gifts.

• I do not ask others to meet my needs or desires

• I value others’ approval of my thinking, feelings and behavior over my own.

• I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.

Compliance Patterns:

• I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or others’ anger.

• I am very sensitive to how others are feeling and feel the same.

• I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.

• I value others’ opinions and feelings more than my own and am afraid to express differing opinions and feelings of my own.

• I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want.

• I accept sex when I want love. 

Control Patterns:

• I believe most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves.

• I attempt to convince others of what they “should” think and how they “truly” feel.

• I become resentful when others will not let me help them.

• I freely offer others advice and directions without being asked.

• I lavish gifts and favors on those I care about.

• I use sex to gain approval and acceptance.

• I have to be “needed” in order to have a relationship with others.

*Source: Co-Dependents Anonymous: http://www.CoDA.org

The perpetrators are often in the form of  personality disordered “narcisscists”, who take on characteristics of being abusive, predatory and parasitic. They may vampire for life force or “loosh”. In “Dark Cupid” love connections, their main agenda is always to extract narcissistic supply via emotions and sexual energy. They are experts at manipulating their partners by knowing their deepest core wounds and needs, manipulating and exploiting them accordingly. They may have co-existing addictions like alcoholism, sex addiction, drugs, gambling, workaholism, etc.

In a sense, the emotional vampirism, parasitic component of behavior serves to maintain the denial of the “false self” the narcissist identifies with. Because the false self is a lie and disconnected from their core, heart Spirit center, it requires excessive energy and reinforcement through attention, praise, sex and high emotional drama. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to deny ones core self, as well as repressed memories and emotions. The denial itself requires substantial energy to maintain this false persona. The complications to this disorder and form of abuse they perpetrate, lies in the propensity for the personality disordered abuser to become “hosted” by inter dimensional beings, thus making it even more exasperating for someone who has to endure any kind of relationship with them.

While most literature on Narcissistic Abuse focuses on the abuser, much awareness is marginalized on the victims and how victim consciousness helps perpetuate the victim-perpetrator/parasite game. (Especially the darker spiritual elements to these games.) The single largest obstacle to getting out of such abuse and victimization is unlearning deeply embedded belief systems of learned helplessness. They must be able to see that they even have a choice, if they can break the spell of their own “programming”. Victims will remain victims if they do not resolve their core traumas and behaviors that maintain their psychological defenses. These defenses are numerous and serve to keep them unaware of their own hidden emotions, false limiting beliefs and unconscious behaviors. These are, in actuality, controlling games that are manipulative, even in their own passive ways of functioning.

So what exactly is learned helplessness?

Learned helplessness is when a person begins to believe that they have no control over a situation, even when they do. (https://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/Codependency.html)

Also see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness

Co-dependents with learned helplessness, “victim consciousness” often manipulate others to provide for their needs through guilt and passive-aggressive modes of communication sometimes in high drama conflict situations. They feel entitled and yet have difficulty communicating angry emotions, and do so through guilt manipulations. They have great difficulty communicating directly, let alone identifying what they feel and how to express it without anger, blame, guilt or judgement. They cannot directly ask for what they need. Hence, the manipulation and whining victim strategies to control passive-aggressively.

Anger is what you feel when you don’t get what you think you deserve. Non-Personality Disorder people often feel a sense of anger over past abuses, an uncertain future outlook, unequal burden-sharing and persistent denial of their personal needs.

Rescuer Syndrome is when a non-personality-disordered individual assumes that their own strength, skill and knowledge are adequate to compensate for a personality-disordered individual’s behavioral issues.

This theme plays out alot in those who are in love bite or Dark Cupid relationships where one person—ie., the co-dependent to an addict or personality disordered person like a Narcissist, thinks that by rescuing them they will change. The best way to create change is to let go of the one you want to change. Sometimes paradoxical solutions of letting go can resolve situations like this.

Here are some common terms and definitions related to Co-dependency issues:

Abuse Amnesia is a form of cognitive suppression where an abuse victim has trouble remembering episodes where their boundaries have been violated.

Denial is the practice of believing or imagining that some painful or traumatic circumstance, event or memory does not exist or did not happen.

Denial is often accompanied by compulsive behaviors or addictions which help to numb or distract the person from the painful feelings, memories or situations they choose to block out. Oftentimes these distracting and numbing behaviors are subconscious “triggered” reactions or “defenses”. They may come in the form of addictions such as excessive drinking, substance abuse, constantly changing jobs, moving from town to town,  multiple failed relationships or other unhealthy behaviors (sex addictions) which are rationalized and justified, so that they can maintain their denial system.

When these beliefs, and denial-fueled avoidance behaviors are deeply embedded, justified and fed by the energy of repressed emotions, these can grow into “living thought form entities” which can take on a life of their own, further controlling the person through subconscious and even paranormal factors. This can cause the person to reinforce their own feelings of powerlessness and learned helplessness, but in reality they create alot of their own dramas where they continually find themselves “victim to circumstances”.

Enabling—when the co dependent victim, out of fear of confrontation, continues to enable an abusive relationship or situation. Avoidance of self-responsibility.

Fear, Obligation and Guilt syndromes of manipulation how one feels when in relationship with a personality disordered person. Origin “Emotional Blackmail” By Susan Forward and Donna Frazer

The Unchosen Relationship Factor and Syndrome: People who choose to have a relationship with a personality disordered person.

https://outofthefog.net/Relationships/Unchosen.html

Relationship Hypervigilance (alot of nitpicking about others behaviors, comments, thoughts and interests of others, trying to control others)

Passive-Aggressive Behaviors—generally done to express anger, unmet needs, project uncomfortable feelings, or punish others for perceived offenses. At the core foundation of these behaviors is learned helplessness and projection of anger and blame.

http://io9.com/the-secrets-to-handling-passive-aggressive-people-1681127156

According to Out Of the FOG, a website for family members of people with personality disorders, PA behavior looks like this:

  • Withdrawal – of material support, contribution to shared goals, Re-prioritizing alternate activities and goals, “go-slow’s”, procrastination or targeted incompetence.
  • Silent Treatment – inappropriate “one-word” answers, inattention, making yourself generally “unavailable”.
  • Off-line Criticism – propagating gossip or criticism to a third party in an attempt to negatively influence the third party’s opinion of a person.
  • Sarcasm, Critical and “Off-Color” Jokes – Humor which targets a specific individual is a form of Passive-Aggressive communication.
  • Indirect Violence – shows-of-strength such as destruction of property, slamming doors, cruelty to animals in the sight of another is passive-aggressive.

The APA( American Psychological Association) says PA can be detected by four (or more) of the following behavioral traits:

  • Constant complaints about being misunderstood and unappreciated by others
  • Sullen and argumentative moods
  • The passive resistance of fulfilling routine social and work tasks
  • Frequent and unreasonable criticisms of authority
  • The expression of envy and resentment towards those apparently more fortunate
  • Exaggerated and persistent complaints about personal misfortune
  • Toggling between hostile defiance and contrition

As an aside, passive-aggressive personalities often bear resemblance to pathological narcissism, including the expression of such traits as an exaggerated sense of self worth, lack of impulse control, an inability to empathize, and a sense of entitlement.

“Here are seven reasons why people use PA behavior, according to Signe Whitson:

  • Anger is socially unacceptable
  • Sugarcoated hostility is socially acceptable
  • Passive aggression is easier than assertiveness, and a sign of immaturity
  • Passive aggression is easily rationalized
  • Revenge is sweet: “Because it can be difficult to ‘catch in the act’ and often impossible to discipline according to standard HR protocols, passive aggressive behavior often exists as the perfect office crime.”
  • PA behavior is convenient, allows one to avoid an actual fight
  • PA behavior can be powerful, allowing the perpetrator to channel their own anger and frustrations through the reactions of their target

Living, working, and interacting with passive-aggressive people is not fun. Thankfully, there are some things you can do to intervene.

First, it’s critical that you identify passive-aggressive behavior when it happens. This isn’t always easy by virtue of the act itself, which is meant to be indirect. Things to look for include people who avoid an argument, fight, or conflict at all costs, being put into “never win” scenarios, constantly having to please a person by telling them what they want to hear, and listening to incessants complaints that “no one wants to know how I feel” or “understand how I feel.”

Second, you need to look at your own behavior and how you’ve been dealing with the passive-aggressive behavior directed towards you. Specifically, it’s important to evaluate whether you’ve contributed to the conflict and determine if your actions have worked to either escalate or de-escalate the confrontation. (At the same time — and this is not easy — it’s important that you not feel responsible for another person’s PA words or actions.)

The College of Education + Human Development says that:

One good reflection of what works and does not work are your feelings after a conflict. If you end up feeling helpless, powerless, angry, and confused, your methods have not worked and you should change them. If you end up feeling calm, the [PA person] has regained composure and you believe that they may have learned something to help improve behavior, your methods are an effective way of dealing with [them]. In short, drop what is not working and identify methods which are working.

Other tips: Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated, stay emotionally calm, and don’t respond with your own set of passive-aggressive tactics. Also, do something healthy and productive for yourself.

Another way to deal with passive-aggressive people is to disarm them with honesty and focus the conversation on the real issue. Writing in her blog, Trulia, Mallory Carra says we should open up communication immediately rather than storming off or engaging in reciprocal passive-aggressive behaviors. She quotes marriage and family therapist Lisa Bahar who says:

Generally, the feeling that you feel from the individual that is acting out passive-aggressive can give you some information on what they are trying to communicate; however, the goal is to not trouble yourself with reading into the implied message. The idea is to communicate in an assertive way. Be matter of fact, avoid gossip, cold shoulders, huffing and puffing.”

“Indeed, sometimes it’s best to initiate the conversation and tell the other person that they can always speak directly to you if they have an issue. The practice of leaving notes or hinting at things in an obfuscating or abstract way doesn’t really help the situation.

It’s also important to realize that you probably won’t be able to change the person. What you can do, however, is establish the normative parameters as it relates to your interactions with them. Your PA friends, co-workers, and family members may eventually learn that the best way to engage with you and address contentious issues is to avoid passive-aggressive behaviors in favor of more direct methods. But this will only be possible over time and with great patience and consistency on your part. That said, it’s important to model constructive behavior, hand out heaps of positive reinforcement, and cooperate and negotiate in ways that’s fair to both of you. 

Passive Aggressive Behavior is often coupled with depression, due to the hopeless, limiting beliefs of learned helplessness. It often is evident in the voice of someone who has a whining “poor me” resonant quality to their voice, or in written communications indicating blame in indirect modes. The root seems to be fear of conflict, feeling powerless, and a depressive, self-absorption that occurs as a result of not taking appropriate action due to avoidance factors. Denial is also a major hallmark, and the person tends to blame, project and control people and situations in passive aggressive ways. However, if the person has traits of being more of an overt controller, perpetrator, abuser or Narcissist, he/she may control in overt, violent and abusive ways, making sure they never become the Victim.

The Victim in this GAME is the one who tends to avoid conflict, is run by fear, denial of true feelings, unmet needs, and projects guilt, anger and blame through passive-aggressive behaviors. Whining victims tend to pair up with abusers and can incite the rage of the overt abuser by their passive, manipulative, controlling, guilt and shame games. Of course either kind of behavior is extremely annoying to those who choose to opt out of the GAME.

What one realizes is that the GAME is usually of control. Both perpetrator/abuser or synonymously, Predator/Parasite and their Victims, both believe it is a game of win/lose and the struggle is always for control. (Except in situations where the victim needs to escape or fight for their life) The control often serves to suppress unwanted feelings of low self worth, anger, grief, rage, betrayal, jealousy, envy, fear, powerlessness or any number of unpleasant feelings. There may be deeply engrained beliefs of scarcity of love, acceptance, joy, understanding and life support. Those exerting excessive control may also do this by simple greed. But even beneath this is always some sort of fear.

The only way to resolve these GAMES is to step out of the GAME altogether. Because predators, abusers and true parasites rarely ever CHANGE, the responsibility lies in the Victim to change by not being a victim anymore. This means setting boundaries from the parasite/predator(s), identifying and releasing pent up emotions in a safe way, re-evaluating the false beliefs of powerlessness which kept the patterns of abuse going, and building upon a new identity of positive, truthful and realistic self-beliefs. It also means learning how to communicate effectively. This may mean assertiveness training, compassionate communication skills, legal communication skills and conflict mediation training.

The required element for true freedom from being stuck in the victim and codependency role is being willing to take responsibility for change. To be willing to feel and face ones own history, emotions, patterns, behaviors and destructive modes of interpersonal interactions, so that they can be changed into healthy ways of being.

Many people prefer to stay in victim or perpetrator mode, because it is temporarily easier than taking long term personal responsibility. Staying in integrity according to core spiritual truths and ethics is an enduring goal that takes time and practice. The consequences of being either the Victim or Predator/Parasite is harmful in the long run. It is a betrayal of ones Spirit and the Spirit of Truth.

This harsh truth of the GAME calls to question the veracity of what has been spoken by Jesus Christ when he addressed the religious Pharisees of his day. He told them they were of the “Father of Lies” and that the Father of Lies was this way from the very beginning.(No, I’m not a Bible thumper, but I do think there are some truths in this book, as corrupted as it may be.)

The only way out of the GAME of Victim-Predator/Parasite is to step out of the game and stop being a victim. Remember, you do have a choice and YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS.

* Excerpts in Italic narrative are from the aforementioned web site links.

 

 

 

 

 

Kathy Collins Interview on Healing From Ritual Abuse Trauma

Kathy Collins Interview from August 9, 2015 on Youtube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_stICUMOWhc

In this interview with Kathy Collins, survivor of Satanic Ritual Abuse and Project Monarch MK-Ultra Programming, she discusses her healing and recovery journey.

Some of the points discussed are:

  • Satanic Ritual Abuse and heavy trauma may take years to wake up to, that this was or is an ongoing reality
  • Trauma Drama cycles of behavior is a kind of addiction to serotonin in the brain. (In my view it also helps unconsciously create a defensive reaction from going to deeper levels of healing and feeling what is present deep inside. It also serves as a sort of distracting mode that also can keep one in the feelings of victimization and powerlessness.
  • Taking responsibility for ones healing journey and transformation
  • Knowing you have a choice to heal
  • Getting out of isolation and knowing you are not alone
  • Why fantasy and imagination and intention are so important to changing your reality
  • Understanding that healing and triggering reactions go in cycles
  • Focusing on what you want instead of the pain, while acknowledging the pain
  • Creating and finding support by getting out of the victim mode of beliefs
  • Being able to view the trauma from a different perspective of love, forgiveness and non blame
  • Understanding perpetrators and victims keep the cycle of abuse going through their choices not to heal or take personal responsibility

 

 

Other points f

Empathy and the Power of Reflective Listening

Empathy is a give and take process. Most of us can admit we need more empathy and acceptance from others, especially if we have healing to do on many levels. But the truth is, that if we are undernourished in our own emotional lives, overstressed and feeling like a victim to circumstances, we have difficulty offering real empathy to others.

We have to remember that when we have been in a long term state of psychological or physical trauma, the first step to healing is to listen to ourselves deep inside. Sometimes this means enough solitude to do self-reflection in the heart, in our bodies and really listen. Really feel. And this can be scary and uncomfortable.

What often happens in long term trauma is a tendency to “shut down” and repress ones true feelings so habitually that the focus is usually on external things, physical health, defenses and addictions, other people or circumstances–often in a negative fashion. Such as constant drama, relationship problems, unhappiness with the job, the family, the government, anything and everything that takes the focus off of ones real feelings related to deeply personal emotional wounding. This can manifest itself as the victimization process that repeats itself so much, that the lines get blurred on how and why the trauma keeps happening.

It is necessary to pause long enough to calm the mind, the body and the emotions, so that we can really do some self-reflection on what is truly happening inside, not outside ourselves.  It starts with the INTENTION of taking personal responsibility for healing on whatever level necessary for your own situation and life. This is how we take our power back.

Once we are able to really be present with what we are feeling in the moment from experience to experience, we are more able to be fully present for others empathically, resulting in deeper, authentic connectedness in relationships.

In this article by Marshal Rosenberg entitled, “Sustaining Empathy

http://www.listeningway.com/marshall-empathy1.html

(which is a chapter of his book on Non-Violent Communication), Rosenberg describes typical reactive responses that people often make to those who are in pain—offering judgements or quick solutions and fix-it answers. In compassionate communication the four pillars of this process are: Observations, Feelings, Needs and Requests. Even though a significant part of Compassionate Communication is “Requests”, the listener of this empathic process really needs to focus more on the empathic process of the feelings and needs portion of self-discovery.

Just being able to recognize our true feelings and needs in any given moment or experience is necessary for our true insight within to guide our own process of healing. Such taking responsibility in feeling and self-awareness is necessary before we can truly change our circumstances in life.

At some point in the process of personal growth, we come to realize that we can only be truly empathically present with others to the degree that we are in touch with ourselves. Personal growth is a process that takes time and maturity and has been described by psychotherapist Carl Rogers to occur in stages. He called these the Seven Stages of Process which lead to deeper self-connection. This process itself is solely based on receiving and giving empathy.

http://www.listeningway.com/gpc-gpr-connections.html

The process of a deeper connection to our authentic “self”  eventually leads to a more continuous, receptive way of being. There becomes a freer flow of energy and a dynamic, fluidic way of being that allows a greater freedom of giving and receiving love.

 

Sobriety, Recovery and New Social Skills

Contributed by editor and writer Melissa Hall.
 

Recovering From Recovery – Learning To Socialize With Sobriety

In a typical Hollywood setup, a character admitting to an addiction problem and entering a recovery program is viewed as the end of the story – the self-realization and transformation around which all stories turn, and the precipitant of the ‘happy ending’. In real life, it doesn’t work out quite like that. While admitting to addiction and making a commitment to change is certainly a pivotal moment in your transformation into the person you feel you should be, it is not an end in itself. The process of recovery is complex and ongoing – and it involves a lot of coming to terms with who you are and how you must be from now on. One of the major hurdles which any recovering addict must overcome is that of shame. While any addict must take a certain amount of responsibility for their actions, and feel a measure of remorse for them, feelings of intense shame relating to one’s addiction have been proven to exacerbate rather than diminish the chances of relapse occurring [1]. To recover successfully, an addict needs to own and assimilate their past. One of the areas of life in which problems arise with this process of assimilation is during social time with friends and family.

Coming To Terms

Admitting to an addiction is difficult. Often, one’s addiction doesn’t just encompass the substance itself, but is intrinsically wrapped up in the entire life of the sufferer. Given the place of alcohol in our society [2], this is most true for alcoholics. Admitting to an alcohol addiction does not just mean giving up alcohol – it may mean giving up (or feeling like you must give up) your entire social circle and way of life. It is frequently the case that other people may come to the realization that an addict has a problem before they do – and even when they are told of the concerns of others they may well brush them off. Admitting to oneself that one has an addiction is thus a major part of the recovery process, and this step may well come long after one’s nearest and dearest are well aware of the problem. However, introducing one’s recovering state to one’s wider social circle is a different story. One may well feel that one has come to personal terms with one’s state as a recovering addict – but when it comes to telling other people, a whole lot of unresolved issues can emerge.

Being In Control

Often, an addict will feel intense shame and discomfort when disclosing their addicted status. Such feelings, as already discussed, can prompt relapse, so it is important to choose the context of any disclosure very carefully. While honesty is undoubtedly always the best policy, you must also feel in control of your status as a recovering addict, and confident and comfortable about disclosing such a personal piece of information. Given that many addicts already have problems with feelings of powerlessness and lack of control [3], and may well experience increased emotional turbulence in the early stages of recovery [4] it is absolutely imperative that an addict is not made to feel powerless, out of control, and shamed because of their recovering status with others. For many, admitting to being in recovery is tantamount to admitting to being a societal failure – it’s admitting to being an out-of-control addict, which society frowns upon. In fact, admitting to being in recovery is admitting to being strong and controlled enough to face up to yourself and defeat your demons. That’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of.

Owning Your Addiction

Admittedly, societal attitudes towards addiction really do not help people to make a calm, collected, and unabashed declaration of their status and intent to recover. Given that we demonize addicts [5] to a disproportionate degree, it can be hard for people to accept that their friend (who may well not in their eyes fit the stereotypical ‘addict’ image we’re led to expect) is really having problems. It’s not at all uncommon for alcoholics to be told that they’re over exaggerating their case, that they don’t have to give up completely, that they’re really not as bad as they think they are, that they should not refer to themselves as alcoholics and so forth [6]. None of this, for obvious reasons, is particularly helpful. On the other hand, people may start to view their recovering addict friend with suspicion and trepidation – as though they’ve become a different person, when in fact they’re the same old friend that they’ve known and loved. The only difference is that they’re trying to make an active improvement to their life. If others reject one’s intent to recover and try to pressure one into using again, or make them feel like a shameful demon, and if one cannot convince them of the reality of the situation then – hard though it may be – it is probably time to move on from that group of friends and find people who will be supportive of one’s recovery without shaming one for their past. Recovery is something to be proud of, and it should not involve having to completely blot out one’s past and personality. In order to truly recover, an addict needs to be in control of their recovery, which means being in control and comfortable with disclosing one’s recovering status. Social disclosure can be one of the hardest parts of recovery, and should not, therefore, be done in the wrong context. However, if it’s done correctly, with confidence and ownership of one’s past and future, to people with whom one feels safe and supported by, then it can be a greatly empowering step forward.

[1] Maia Szalavitz, “Being Ashamed of Drinking Prompts Relapse, Not Recovery”, Time, Feb 2013

[2] Social Issues Research Center, “Social and Cultural Aspects Of Drinking”

[3] Rita Milios, “Control Freak: How to Stop Trying to Change Your World and Change Yourself Instead”, Recovery.org, Jun 2015

[4] H.C. Fox, K.A. Hong, R Sinha, “Difficulties in emotion regulation and impulse control in recently abstinent alcoholics compared with social drinkers”, Yale University, 2008

[5] Matthew B Stanbrook, “Addiction is a disease: We must change our attitudes towards addicts”, CMAJ, Feb 2012

[6] Rachael Lander, “How Not To Be A Dick To Your Recovering Alcoholic Friend”, XOJane, Apr 2013

Interdimensional Interference and Emotional Triggering

Introduction

Alien Interference and interdimensional interference patterns are experiences like “the alien love bite” and Dark Side of Cupid love relationships.(http://evelorgen.com/wp/books/ )The latter is when one partner is linked to some inter dimensional being like a reptilian and acts as an organic portal enabling psychic vampirism. Other times it is not so defined, where there is a third party entity interfering with the couple, increasing the sexual energy, emotional highs and lows, excessive drama and triggering. The alien love bite is more of the situation where known alien handlers who have visited one or both partners throughout life, is responsible for orchestrating the relationship, via several bonding stages, often from childhood or many months leading up to meeting that partner. Once the connection is made, an emotional roller coaster tends to follow, with an increase in alien visitations for one or both partners during the drama, as if these alien beings are “feeding” off the emotional and sexual energy. (http://evelorgen.com/wp/articles/alien-love-bite-related/alien-orchestrated-human-bonding-dramas/)

Interdimensional interference can take place in other kinds of situations and when the interference is present, it may feel as if a highly charged agitating energy is seeking an opening for “chaos” to erupt into dramas that may be out of proportion for the reality that is unfolding. It has a “feel” to it. Edgy, sometimes anxiety and fear producing or a prodromal sense that “something bad is about to happen”. Oftentimes alien abductees get a prodromal sense before their “alien handlers” came to get them later that night.

It’s window of ability to “get into your field” is any unhealed emotional wounds or even physical weakness. This can also happen if your energy field is wide open or has cracks from unresolved traumas. Alien implants, or other entities already attached can leave a person open for more ID’s as well. (ID is Interdimensional being)

The interference happens in such a way that if others are involved in the “interference cluster of attack” it will seek to destroy relationships that are mutually supportive, loving or those that create awareness that enhances life and wholeness. The “interference factor” is usually discovered later to be some type of inter dimensional being who is linked in to one or more persons, depending on their connection and “agreements” or contracts on a more subtle level of reality. It may be unconscious on the experiencer’s part, but if they do deep self inquiry or quantum clearing modalities like Holographic Kinetics,(http://www.holographickinetics.com) or even hypnotherapy, their own Spirit will reveal the original cause and condition of this “agreement”  to enter the “game” of this particular inter dimensional being. Or the experiencer of interference somehow “enters the game” of an “infected individual or group”, and thereafter is under vulnerability to being interfered with. Until they “break that contract” and origin of this agreement.

The Emotional Triggering Factor

In order to fully identify and understand when interdimensional interference is happening, one needs to understand what emotional triggering is, how and why it happens. This is key, because emotional reactivity is the “fuel” which feeds and enables the unseen interference to continue.

Unhealed and “trapped” traumas of old emotional wounds, can create unconscious patterns of “triggering behaviors and reactions”. This is essentially the “glue” which keeps interdimensional beings, entities and running “programs” to lock into your body and energy field. Other factors which lock them in are contracts, agreements and even rituals, vows etc., to specific beings and/or groups.

Triggering old wounds and “sensitive issues” can cause a person to unleash exaggerated reactions to events, which wouldn’t cause such triggering in a person who has healed their emotional wounds.(Or does not have this “issue”) If I wanted to give an example of triggering, it could be a highly reactive response of anger, blame, jealousy, rage, fear, etc. to something that would not ordinarily cause such a reaction in someone who didn’t have this “deep wound” bleeding away inside of them. Let’s say you get an email or call from someone who is very needy and has severe abandonment issues. If you don’t respond back within 24 hours they go into a blaming rage or make numerous accusations of your character based on the deep sense of hurt or abandonment they feel “all over again” that reminds them of an earlier incident or series of experiences related to abandonment. This often happens in Borderline Personality Disorder,(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder) where any triggering of the least amount of emotional pain can cause them to react in unnaturally reactive ways, usually blaming the other person they perceived to have “hurt” them. The more deeply hurt and unresolved the trauma,( ie. narcissistic wounding, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_rage_and_narcissistic_injury) the more triggering is likely to happen when they encounter the least “reminder” of similarity of that feeling around anyone. And the more they “defend” against their true core feelings and issues, the more likely they will twist reality to a false perception of others and the world around them. But they don’t even know they are doing this, because their defense and avoidance of their feelings is so great, they literally twist reality to an entirely different perception. This serves to sabotage any real healing, integration and wholeness and is often part of a running program. Oftentimes they are such expert manipulators they can cause you to question your own sense of “reality”. Usually after encountering such a person, you are left feeling shocked, insulted and violated unfairly, and may even start to doubt yourself, unless you are very grounded in your own core well being.

Our unhealed wounds and traumas cause us to have “blind spots” which usually take forms of habitual behaviors, beliefs or exaggerated “triggering” reactions. Blind spots of unawareness can cause us to be vulnerable to bad relationships, or be more likely to attract a psychopathic or “hosted” love bite partner,( ie a “narcississtic reptilian types”) so it’s essential for ones own safety to clear out as many unhealed wounds and traumas as one can.

We cannot help “hurting others” when triggering occurs, if we have not learned how to tend to our own emotional needs, or have done our healing work.

Some popular healing modality groups refer to “zero point” awareness, where a non attached emotional zone is reached, and one can maintain a non reactive stance even in the face of “interdimensional attack”. I caution many who jump to assumptions that they are at “zero point” when in fact they just repress their own emotions and shadow self. This “false zero point” stance will actually cause the person to lose their heart centered empathy and compassion and tend toward nihilistic approaches to life and reality. These people may eventually become corrupted and end up with some sort of inter dimensional running them. Who—by the way—can give them psychic abilities. But that is a subject for another article!

When emotional triggering happens, the first reaction is to blame someone else for their own “faults”, and believe that you are the only one who is right.”. But this position of self righteousness, judgement and blaming is the doorway for the “inter dimensional interference” to continue in your own life. Having to be “right” all the time, avoiding your own unresolved emotional pain, and not being willing to see your part in this, is the doorway for this to continue in your life. Even if the interference is due to someone else’s “interdimensional” like a draco, reptilian, winged serpent, etc., there is always some reason it entered your field, even if it’s something seemingly inconsequential, like feeling sorry for the person, or sleeping in their house, or getting “drunk” in their presence.

Interdimensional interference is personal and can be collective, like in a family system. Or it can be something linked to a group you are part of. There are many types of inter-dimensional beings and there are also extra-dimensional beings, ET’s, human spirits, animal spirits, etc. Some “internal running programs” may have the feel of “entities” inside someone or even a group but these are actually fueled “mind patterns, beliefs and programs” that take on a sort of life of their own.

Inter dimensional interference can move through a person, group or collective almost like a virus. Someone can be a carrier, or “host” for an ID, while others can be sleepers that are only “activated” at a certain time, after making a certain connection with a person or group. If something is happening to you, there is always some reason, and it’s best not to “blame others” until you have done your own self inquiry, established your own healing process, and made a connection with your Spirit.

Oftentimes the “trigger” for an inter-dimensional to become active in your life is through a “love bite” kind of relationship, where its interference “effects” linger in your life long after the relationship ended. Usually we find there was some kind of karmic connection or cause for the ID, but it may not be what you think it is. Even before the “love bite drama” where perhaps the kundalini got activated with concomitant psychic abilities and new awareness, we find out later (via Holographic Kinetics and communication with Spirit of the person) that the person already had some sort of hidden trauma or inter dimensional being like a reptilian in their field that prepped and engineered this connection with a “hosted partner”. Once involved, this connection activated more types of interference or existing inline and outline implants and “astral” energy siphoning operation. I  have had a number of reports of a “dark Cupid/ love bite relationship where several months or a few years before they met, they had a sudden “kundalini activation”. One wonders if the heightened kundalini energy can serve as an invisible “beacon” of highly charged energy, wherein a “reptilian hosted person” and inter dimensional parasitic beings zoom in to feed on the kundalini activated person– like moths to a flame. Kind of like an enzyme-substrate complex that works together in a system of inter dimensional engineering. So in some people, the “love bite partner” who is hosted i.e., possessed by a reptilian for example, acted as a part of a multi-phase process of something that was “set up” in the first place through a variety of causes. Trauma, trapped IDs in their energy body, alien abduction and other possible karmic or ancestral origins and so on.

It’s very common for people who have had narcissistic parents or siblings to have a “dark Cupid/love bite” relationship(s) later in life or a series that shows a pattern has been set up. It’s not as simple as we think, however. These inter dimensional beings can hide in many dimensions and layers, so that if we want to be free of them we must be willing to clear ourselves on all levels and dimensions. This means other lifetimes, timelines, and clearing out ancestral causes as well. Sometimes interdimensionals only become active in your life after a deeper connection to someone was made or “astral tagging” and implanting after joining a particular group or guru’s circle. Interdimensional beings can be linked to hierarchies and clusters of beings linking hundreds, thousands, or millions of people. Like Octopus Head clusters feeding on thousands of people.(http://evelorgen.com/wp/news/big-head-octopus-like-negative-energy-beings-and-manipulation-tactics/)

Every time we connect deeply to another person, like in some form of sexual relationship, or even astral connections,(i.e.., astral sex) this alone can link you in with “all of their interdimensionals” even if you just did your healing work or clearings. So you have to be mindful who you connect with, how, and also develop your own energetic and spiritual immune system. This can be a lonely path, but the more we educate each other of this reality, the more we can be supportive of how we all can help heal one another.

The Cure: Taking Personal Responsibility

Releasing the emotions associated with a trauma/experience are necessary, feeling them fully in the moment of therapeutic release. This can be done in modalities like hypnotic regression, trauma resolution, EMDR, Rapid Release Trauma therapy, Inner Child work, and good old fashioned grieving. Quantum healing methods like Holograhpic Kinetics can also be useful for trapped trauma release work.

If we still have “triggering” that is exaggerated and causes unnecessary hurt and rejection of others, then we have not done enough healing and recovery.

Compassionate communication skills and inner reflective empathy are a good foundational place to start in ones healing process.  A necessary step to healing is taking responsibility for communicating in a mature way so that your own reactions to someones “perceived faults” do not become weapons of relationship destruction. As we become more aware of what we are feeling inside, we will know what our personal triggers are, so as to circumvent problems down the road. Our awareness in feeling is our strategy of protection. Oh, by the way, this is also a big part of what emotional intelligence is.

We all hold some blind spots, or unconscious behaviors we may do that are part of our own upbringing, culture, personal beliefs and unhealed emotional wounding. So working alone in ones healing process is not always beneficial for long periods of time. It’s ideal to have a group of supportive friends or people in ones “therapy group” to check in with. A buddy, check and balance system so that we help others be aware of their own blind spots and vice versa. This is true also for “light workers, healers, therapists, teachers etc, so that their own ego and self righteous, know-it-all superiority programs don’t get the best of them.

Practices and Healing Modalities

Practices like vippassana meditation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vipassanā), shamatha (http://www.sbinstitute.com/Shamatha_Project) and calming the mind help one to become more aware and sensitive to the energy body as well as the spiritual realm. Body-Mind cultivation techniques like Chi Gong, Tai Chi and Yoga are also good. Intention to heal and be clear helps along with practices like this. Breath coordinated with movement in the proper ways can help reduce the overactive stress response and help manage PTSD for example.

Holographic Kinetics is a healing and comprehensive healing modality that is based on Aboriginal Dreamtime Healing and the Laws of Lore.(http://www.holographickinetics.com) Certain universal and spiritual metaphysical laws are understood in this system, that explain the “rules of the game”. This is helpful when trying to understand inter dimensional interference. Our own assumptions of the casualty of why things are happening and to whom may not be accurate in our belief systems which we may have assimilated from corrupted, incomplete yet well meaning sources. Or our own perceptions can be altered due to unhealed wounding, lack of integration and incomplete understanding of the “rules of the game”. How and why certain things happen. Limiting beliefs like “I am right” can create blind spots that prevent us from being clear of interferences.

Other Forms of Interferences

Some interferences seem to be happening in “waves”. Many sensitive healers and psychically perceptive individuals have stated something unusual is manifesting, as if darkness that is in people is being brought up to the surface. More reports of “possession” for example, especially in methamphetamine addicts. There is a question to be considered, “Is there an unnatural form of “dark matter” or dark energy forces being unleashed at this time in our dimensional reality, so that the shadow and “unhealed wounds and blind spots” in others becomes triggered to exaggeration, creating chaos and misunderstanding? Some have postulated that CERN is opening up pockets of “dark matter” in various locations and dimensional spaces, and in these spaces unusual demonic and dark energy manifestations are taking place. Other healers (private communications) have reported people being hit violently with psychic attacks by certain types of beings such as draconians, causing severe bodily reactions like purging, violent nausea and vomiting for hours on end. A new kind of virus? Who knows…

Our best weapon of defense against this darkness attacks, is to become lucid enough to know that at any moment something could happen to trigger your old and unhealed emotional wounds. It’s most likely to be done by a close friend, family or person you work with. So make your best efforts to not overreact, blame, judge or lash out at someone. Allow the situation to de-fuse by not engaging in the drama in a way where you are likely to react in a triggered fashion. Learn compassionate communication and stay in touch with your own Spirit and heart. Having a lifestyle of healing, clearing and healthy maintenance of body, mind and spirit is the best approach to defense against these types of “interferences”.

Sometimes it’s best to just lay low until the “dark cloud passes”. If you have difficulty with communication with others, and are likely to hurt someone, then just take a time out until you find the tools to deal with this the next time a wave of darkness passes into your circle and your life. Sometimes we need to quarantine ourselves until we discover the causes of these unusual types of inter dimensional interference attacks. Shield our own energy body  and spiritual immune system from invasive people or groups.

Setting Boundaries and Mutuality in Relationships

Of course there are benefits of taking time to heal in solitude or meditation retreats in silence. If you can be aware of what your own energies are, then you are ahead of the game. Sometimes if we are living with one or more people for an extended period of time, we mistake their own energy or even their emotions as our own. Energetic boundaries help us to be able to discern what is ours and what is not.

Isolation can be a thorn on our side also if we use it excessively as a psychological defense so much so that we lose our social and interpersonal connection needs. When we have multiple unhealed emotional wounds, we tend to have intimacy problems of deep authentic heart connection with others and our own self.

A good way to self connect is through safe, reflective empathy in partnership with another person (s) who can “relate” by the same rules of heart centered communication and empathy. If you find yourself giving and not receiving back in a mutual way in your friendships and relationships, or vice versa, then it’s a sign that you need to find a way to express reflective empathy for others, or to set boundaries with those who take from you but cannot return the same kind of support and friendship.

Relationships are better if they are mutual, where all parties can be honest and play by the same rules of engagement with empathetic awareness and compassion. If they are not mutual, perhaps they are not true friendships and you are either being a parent for someone or taking the role of child in the relationship.

 Trauma and Addictions

Trauma and addictions tend to go together. Traumas can remain locked into the body and emotions stay stuck in time. When locked in, they still will be a source of hidden anxiety or any form of psychological defense, inter dimensional interference or stress related health issues. The addictions serve to self medicate and help numb the emotions associated with the trauma. Self medication and numbing create a false persona “defense”, that will not connect authentically to the heart of their own “feelings” or those of others while in a numbed out, defense mode. When we repress our authentic selves, we not only hurt ourselves, but we hurt others by our own neglect of the value of their presence in our lives. When we are numb and avoid true feelings that lay hidden within us, we can neglect and reject others when they are in need, and we don’t even know how we have hurt them. This happens alot in families of alcoholics and substance abusers, workaholics, etc.

So if someone claims to have done all their healing work but is still in an active addiction, the probability is that they have not gone deep enough into their feeling being to reach the hidden “issues” that are often buried through the self numbing that goes with the addictive personality. In order to even reach the trauma and really clear it, the person has to stop the addictions because addictions in and of themselves generally sabotage the healing process.

If a person is still in an active addiction and not willing to stop this,(or cannot on their own) a true therapeutic process of deeper healing cannot fully take place. This is because as long as the numbing is still going on, the person will not be able to access deeper feelings and insights that would ordinarily be available if they were not numbing all the time. So doing therapy with an active addict is often a waste of time. It is very common that alcoholics and substance abusers keep these aspects of their lives secret, even to their doctors and “therapists” if they have one. They often normalize these behaviors such as drinking, since socially it is so acceptable that they don’t even realize that daily drinking of alcohol has become a dependence or addiction, depending on how often they drink and why.

Our Responsibility to Each Other

The more we can mutually practice compassionate presence and space for each other, the more we all can heal and be authentically present from the heart. We can be at home in the true nature of our being, when we have the love and safety of compassionate reflective presence in our lives. Safety must come first, then compassion and openness of sharing in a therapeutic manner. This also means constructive criticism, as well as support. Then healing will occur, and exaggerated triggering will lesson over time. Then the “interference factors” which are very real—will not hold as much power over you.

It also must be mentioned that healers and therapists may have blind spots and needs of their own to tend to. No one is perfect. When healers do not share with other professionals in their field for check and balance clearings, then they can become limited by their own blind spots. This, in my view, is necessary when you work with many clients. Sometimes we need a professional opinion or check and balance system to keep our own skills up to date.

Part of our journey to wholeness is to be calm in moments of uncertainty and to increase our resiliency to stress and “triggering”. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. And it’s not always “your fault”. Know that there are still things we do not fully understand in our current human state of affairs. If we have loving kindness, hold compassionate space and communication for others, we can enjoy a way of being that is present and stronger in the face of adversity. If we don’t have love, we won’t have the power to overcome.

All in balance and in wisdom.

Grieving

If we could bring all wounds of trauma to their ultimate end in healing, we will come to the point of grieving losses of one sort or another. This is something that is largely marginalized in many popular and quick fix “spiritual healing modalities”. Grief is a natural process that actually leads to greater compassion for self and others, and allows the space for joy and love to live in our hearts. It connects you to your heart and spirit, and when all stages are complete, then acceptance comes with a greater spaciousness of compassion, joy, and humility is the result.

Grief has many stages, five of which are known and popularized by the work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kübler-Ross_model). It may not go through each stage in the exact order, but move in two or more phases at the same time. Or go back and forth from one stage to another, one step forward, two steps backward, two steps forward, one step backward, until resolution and acceptance occurs. One can get stuck in grief or have “complicated grief” when it’s combined with PTSD. I discuss grieving at length in my Dark Side of Cupid book,(http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008UHS9OO) because I believe it is very important and usually overlooked in many therapeutic circles, especially New Age “clearings” where they neglect the obvious fundamental work that really needs to be addressed. Grief is not a bad thing but people run from grief like the plague. Or they confuse it with depression and take an anti depressant when really all they may need is support in bereavement therapy. If you don’t do your grieving work, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, your own childhood or your illusions of love, you will never be free from unhappiness and constant setbacks in your life.

 Foundational Healing Work

It is my experience that the greatest benefit to “advanced healing modalities” like Holographic Kinetics or even Dr. Corrado Malangas Liberation techniques (https://flashmentalsimulation.wordpress.com/liberation-techniques/), is when the person has  already engaged in foundational counseling therapies along the way. This actually needs to be done so that the person is open to change to allow a deeper internal connection to Heart and Spirit.(Or integrated mind, spirit soul, body etc) The most effective healing can come when the heart-spirit connection has initially been made. This kind of spiritual connection can only be made when the usual psychological defenses, ego, “programming” and  inter dimensional entities are set aside long enough for the real work to be done. This means setting aside “false beliefs”, unhealed wounds, ego defenses and doing some grieving work, so that the quantum healing methods will “stick”. Otherwise what can happen and what does happen, is a return to alien and inter dimensional interference, or it can worsen where bigger demons come in. Why does this happen? It’s simple, you have to do the foundational healing and recovery work so that you can understand the true laws of how and why these forces enter your field. If you still hold an active addiction, or sustained psychological defenses against healing ones own pent up traumas, then you are a mine field for more interdimensional “infection”. Plain and simple.

 What is Yours and What Isn’t

I’m telling you now you cannot escape your own “stuff”. But some people run from their issues and have a tendency to blame others. Others tend to take too much responsibility and try too hard to do it for others. The key is a humbleness to relax into your own Spirit and the Source of All That Is for the truth of a given situation, person etc. to arise. To let go enough of your own defenses of being right, to allow truth to emerge for positive change. The defenses are not just about “ego” and “being right” but oftentimes a subconscious avoidance of emotional pain, memories of our own repressed traumatic experience and ungrieved losses. Sometimes we need to be gently nudged by others to let us know what we are not wiling to see or change on our own. But it is best if these “nudges to self aware-ness” can be done by someone compassionate, and not someone wanting to punish you or take their frustrations out on you due to their own unhealed wounds and reactive triggering. Unfortunately the latter happens a lot, when we are not actively doing our healing work. If we have a therapist, counselor or friend to practice things like Inner Empathy (http://www.innerempathy.com) and Compassionate Communication (https://www.nwcompass.org/compassionate_communication.html), we leave the doorway open to positive change, integration and wholeness. If we do not take responsibility for our own healing work, we are likely to get hurt and get hurt bad, by others.

We have to have patience to not get triggered and at least understand what our own triggers are. This means we have to have an awareness of what our own wounds are, our vulnerabilities and blind spots, where we are stuck. This is taking personal responsibility.

When you have to constantly remind someone who continues to carry on with addictions, compulsive behaviors, defenses, excessive drama, being irresponsible to commitments etc., then we are taking too much responsibility for someone in our lives. And of course how we communicate this to someone is important. If we do this in a blaming, shaming or critical way, they are most likely not going to respond positively and even get defensive and avoid you. But if you do this in a compassionate way, maybe no more than three separate times, then you have done your work and the rest is up to the other person to take responsibility for. If you cannot handle how another person behaves in your presence, or they cause you excessive pain, then you must take responsibility to set appropriate boundaries for your own safety.

Sometimes it takes time to change a particular situation like a bad marriage. It takes planning and execution of the plan as best as you can do over time. During these times it’s good to have some kind of counseling support, and if you do rely on a friend(s) for this support, make sure that you can offer the same kind of support back at some point. Don’t be an emotional vampire!

If the pattern continues with others despite setting “boundaries” then you may want to question whether the issue is really what you think it is. Go to counseling, talk to someone, but do so with a professional who can be a neutral observer. Someone who can call you on your “stuff” in a way where it’s safe for you to receive their observations. But if you try to hide or present “only a good side” eventually you will be found out.

Many people complain that they cannot afford “therapy”. But more often than not, it is a defense that keeps them from dealing with things they really need to clear out of their lives. If you are willing to heal and ask your higher Spirit/Source of wisdom, things will open up for you in a way where this can happen. But you have to be willing to let go of your excuses, ego, false beliefs, addictions etc., and have faith that you CAN do this. You are the only one who can start the ball rolling when it comes to your own healing and personal growth journey. No one can do the work for you. People can help guide you, but ultimately it’s up to you to want to heal and change for the better. You have to WANT to do it. And the good news is, once you connect with the power of your Spirit your intentions can be executed and healing can be done on many levels in a shorter period of time you ever thought possible.

A general psychology and healing resource page describing many of the already known medical and psychological issues can be found here:

http://medassisting.org/learning-resources/foundational/#UnderstandingHumanBehavior

But remember, most of these resources do not include spiritual warfare, hyperdimensional, paranormal or “alien/ET/milab” associated information.

Love in Secret

I was moved to share yet another video clip of Jonathan Adamapants on the topic of “Loving in Secret”.

Part of the power of emotional intelligence actually arises out of the desire to love and be loved, yet with a humility that is of the Creative Spirit of Love, rather than “ego”. It’s not that “ego” is bad, it’s just that ego-personality and “mind programs and false beliefs” get in the way of the true power of the Creative Spirit of love and power to work through you.

When we operate primarily through the ego personality complex, that is lacking in purity of intention to love, this is when the Satanic forces of the Archontic Mind parasites take over.

This is the essence of what this video clip discusses:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihTOTpbFtHw

  • How Satanic mind works through people (aka Archontic mind parasite takeover). How creative spirit working should be spontaneous, otherwise it gets hijacked by the “other”.
  • People are programmed to work against each other. Creative spirit works best spontaneously. “Love in secret”.
  • What is your intent? Do you want to be known for being loving? Is it an ego thing? Are you doing this to increase your business or for networking? If you truly want to fix a problem, do it in secret.
  • Raise the spirit of love in secret.  It raises up the love in others, secretly. Love is the highest intelligence. Don’t seek rewards (or to be seen as “loving” or the best guru or teacher or whatever.  Or it’s gets controlled by Satan.
  • Planning an event or ritual usually gets hijacked. Like religion, its already hijacked.
  •  If intentions are mixed in with ego or other selfish motives then it will be hijacked by dark forces.  You can’t try to coordinate with them in this realm. Love them in secret. Love raises the spirit inside of them. You don’t have to “try to love them”.

It’s really about your intention and purity of love in humility. Plain and simple. Then creative spirit of love does the “job”. Pray for the love of Creative Spirit and be open for it to work through you. Whether your mind understands it or not. That is what prayer is.

In a future article I will write more on the importance of emotional intelligence and safe relationship, so that true healing and Creative Spirit empowerment in you can take place. The more we can connect with the “Creative Spirit” and see how it communicates with us, the more we will know “who can be trusted and when”, so that safe relationship can happen for us.